


Purple Thunder

by livingforrt



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Dave Grohl - Freeform, Eventual Smut, F/M, Foo Fighters - Freeform, GVF, Josh Kiszka - Freeform, Love, Present Day Roger Taylor - Freeform, Reader is a musician, Taylor Hawkins - Freeform, age gap, bit of a slowburn, cursing, greta van fleet, mentions of sex and drugs, old Roger Taylor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2020-09-19 01:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20322949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingforrt/pseuds/livingforrt
Summary: Reader is in a Rock band. She’s fairly successful, wins an Award and meets Roger there. Huge age gap, be aware! Kind of a slow burn





	1. Young Love

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for grammar mistakes/ weird sentence structures. English is not my first language but anyways, I gave it a go. Enjoy and feel free to send me some feedback. You can also find me on tumblr with the same username: livingforrt 
> 
> Ps. I’ve decided to name every chapter after song titles that describe the situations best/ what the reader is intending write for her own career as a musician

“....and the Grammy for Best Rock album goes to ‘Purple Thunder‘!“ you couldn‘t believe it as Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins from the 'Foo Fighters‘ called out your bands name. It was the 62nd annual Grammys, the 26th January 2020 to be exact and they were held in London. Next to you, your boyfriend Josh pulled you into a big hug, gave you a quick kiss before tears were streaming down your face. Never for once in your life did you dare to think, to accomplish such a great thing. It’s been a huge dream of yours, though it always seemed too far away. After hugging and thanking Dave and Taylor you and your band prepared a little acceptance speech. Everything was so overwhelming, you only managed to get one thing out: 'Thank you to all of our fans, without you we would be nowhere. And I would like to personally thank Queen, who are in the house tonight because of their 50th band anniversary. Wow! You have not only influenced our musical style, but I always looked up to you. You truly are living legends, thank you, have a good night, we love you guys, especially you up there Freddie!' you pointed up to the sky walked off stage. 

The rest of the night went by so quickly, too quickly for your liking. Your band was scheduled to take some pictures for the press with your new 'baby', a freaking Grammy. “Babe, there you are, I‘m so, so, so proud of you, I love you so much!”, your boyfriend Josh hugged you very tightly. Yeah he was Josh, Josh Kiszka. You weren’t actually the girl, to have a boyfriend, even had quite the reputation as the press seemed to tear you apart for every little thing you did wrong. Everything you did in general to be exact. 

‘Another night filled with Sex, Cocaine and pretty, pretty boys for (Y/N)?’, is what the headlines of the newspapers would say after a crazy night, attached would be pictures that portrayed you partying, snuggled up to a handsome guy or a beautiful girl. It didn’t really bother you. You were young, on the rise of being the next big rock star and a little fun never hurt nobody, right? 

That was until you met Josh. You met him about a year ago at the Bunbury Festival, since both of your bands were performing and you have been inseparable ever since. The press even described him as your ‘last resort’ for your crazy escapades, which only made you laugh your ass off. Fuck the press. Fuck them. 

Even though your lives as 'rockstars' have been stressful with constant touring and management putting pressure on you to release new music every few months, he was the sweetest boyfriend. Certainly, too good for you, at least that’s what you always thought. Especually, when he surprised you with a bubble bath, or a three course meal after a long day at the studio. 

After a few kisses were exchanged he asked you: “you ready to go to the afterparty? Or do I get to you enjoy you all by myself at home?”, he winked as you playfully hit him: “We‘ll see about that, let‘s hit the afterparty. At least just to say that we‘ve been there” you smile as he took your hand and guided you into the location. The bass was pumping rather loudly, but you were glad to find a more quiet lounge in the back. If you weren’t with right now, you’d be on the dancefloor and shitfaced by now, he definitely changed you for the better. 

As you two plunged yourselves down on the red, cushioned bench. With a drink in your hand you started to dive into a conversation about touring and what the next few months would be like, because Josh was about to go back on tour in a week. You felt a sadness rush through your body and Josh seemed to notice, he was quick to comfort you by rubbing your back and you leaned into him. 

Suddenly you heard two very familiar voices on the table right next to yours. “No Brian, I’ll tell you, it’s going to flop… …we don’t have it in us anymore”

“Would you stop, Rog? Tomorrow’s a new day, you’re all worked up!

Swiping away a few tears you decided to look up and indeed. 'Fucking hell', you thought to yourself. THE Brian May and fucking Roger Taylor. Even though you wanted to run up to them so badly, you decided not to, because you would probably just fangirl way too much and creep them out. Just when you tried to order another drink a voice stopped you.

“Hey!! you‘re (Y/N)!!”, you looked to the table on your right and it was indeed Brian May. And he knew your name. Your mood lightened up and you began to smile like a fool. You stood up and walked over to them, of course with Josh and your hands intertwined. You let go of him to shake Brian‘s hand first, then Roger‘s, so did Josh as you introduced yourselves. “We‘re both huge fans, actually. Your album was brilliant! Especially love how your voice is raspy at times, then again so soft at other times oh and also some quite cool guitar riffs you got there”, Brian continued. Wow. “Let the poor young girl breath, Brian!” Roger chuckled and you could not help but giggle at his words. “We heard your speech earlier and are really flattered that someone as young as you would actually still enjoy our music. After all, we are so old already”, Roger continued. It‘s true, you‘re 21 but so what? “Honestly, you guys are legends, LIVING legends, I could never get tired of your music, you helped me through so much with it.”, you said and it was no lie. Heartbreaks. Fights. Arguments. Parties. Loneliness. Laughing. Crying. No matter the mood: Queen, Freddie in particular was/is always by your side. And now they were sitting right in front of you. 

Wow. You took everything in. His beauty. His sparkling blue eyes. His smile. It made you weak. You would dare to say that he has been your celebrity crush since you first discovered Queen. 15 years ago. Roger Taylor. But you had a boyfriend. A sweet, caring, loving boyfriend. You were so drowned in your own thoughts but felt someone squeeze your hand. 

“(Y/N), babe? Hey? I‘m going to get us some drinks, yeah?”, Josh asked,you nodded. “So do you guys plan on touring again?” you asked curiously. Even though you‘ve been a fan your whole life long, you never managed to make it to a Queen concert before. It‘s been your biggest dream though. “Yeah, actually, Rog here is about to record some new solo stuff too”, Brian patted Roger‘s back. “That’s so exciting. Can’t wait for it to be released!” you smiled at him. “I also loved your previous solo albums! But let me tell you something, I‘m glad you‘re such a musical genius. Not to be mean or anything, but your acting in those music videos sucked”, you laughed, the alcohol taking over. Roger blushed as those words. “Well, I‘m glad you enjoyed watching them though”, he winked. 

“I‘m actually going to record something tomorrow and I‘d like to hear your opinion on it, since you‘re the hottest thing in the industry right now. I mean- your music - you‘re really pretty too- I mean yeah, so if you’re free tomorrow, the offer‘s there. I understand if you don‘t want to, I‘m sure you young thing have got better things to do than-“ 

“I‘d be honored to hear your new music, Mr. Taylor”, you cut him off. “It‘s settled then, let‘s exchange number and I‘ll send you the address and further details?”, he smiled. You exchanged numbers before you called it a night. 

Cuddled up to Josh you could not stop thinking about that smile. That damn smile. It seemed like this celebrity crush would turn into a real-life crush. So unrealistic. You finally managed to fall asleep with a smile on your face, excited for what tomorrow would bring.


	2. Gangsters Are Running This World - Purple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for grammar mistakes/ weird sentence structures. English is not my first language but anyways, I gave it a go. Enjoy and feel free to submit requests, feedback etc.
> 
> There are going to be some inaccuracies regarding song lyrics throughout the series.

You woke up the next day to an empty bed, because Josh had already gone to a band meeting for his upcoming tour. You made your way into the kitchen to find a note on the counter: *Morning babe, I’m at the studio, coffee should still be hot. Have fun today, miss you already, I love you*

With a smile on your face, you pour the coffee into your own merchandise mug and grab your phone.

*5 unread messages*

*From: Ruf - Darkness*

“you’re meeting up with my dad today??? :O why didn’t you tell me? ☹ x ” – 7.03 am  
“oh sorry, good morning, (Y/N) :D x” – 7.04 am  
“congrats on the Grammy by the way, I want to be you when I grow up 😉 x” – 7.10 am  
“my dad told me to take you home to his home studio in Surrey, if that’s ok x” – 7.20 am  
“I’ll pick you up at 11 x” – 7.24 am

You first met Rufus when your band was a support group for his band ‘The Darkness’, during that time you also had a short fling with his lead singer. Honestly though, it was all about the parties, coke and booze. On one of those drunken nights you ‘accidently’ expressed your love for Queen and especially Roger, to Rufus. He was so shitfaced that he probably forgot every word you said anyways.

You were a little disappointed, that Roger didn’t text or call you himself, since you exchanged numbers the night before. Taking a quick glance at the clock you nearly dropped your mug. 10.33 am. ‘Fuck, how am I supposed to get ready within the next 27 minutes?’, you thought to yourself. You took a quick shower, brushed your teeth, put on a white lace bralette, some light – blue ripped jeans and a fluffy, short coat. A little exposing, but that was your trademark after all and you couldn’t just show up to Roger fucking Taylor’s house wearing joggers and an old, washed out shirt, right? While applying your eyeliner you received a message on your phone:

*From: Ruf – Darkness*  
“I’m outside x”

You took one last glance in the mirror, locked the door and made your way outside. There was Rufus, leaning against a red Ferrari 308 GTB. Once he spotted you, a smile appeared on his face and he greeted you with a big hug: “Ahhh, (Y/N)! Long time no see, how have you been?” “Pretty good, how else would a Grammy winner feel?”, you replied.  
“Congratulations, majesty. I meant what I said by the way, I want to be you when I grow up”, you chuckled at his comment. “Ruf, you’re older than me. Nice car you got there!” He opened the door for you, closed it, got in on the driver’s side and the car journey began.  
“My dad actually gifted it to me, he bought it in 1983, but this bad boy is still in the best shape. You look very pretty today! Who’d you dress up for, though? We’re just going to see my dad and you’re going to be locked up in a studio”, he chuckled. His words made you blush, but thankfully he didn’t notice. “Thank you. But what do you mean, Ruf? I always wear this kind of stuff. How long is the drive anyway?”  
“About 35 minutes, I lived in Surrey my whole life. My sisters lived with my mum though. The only people that still live in the Surrey home are my dad and his wife.”, he explained. Right. You totally forgot that Roger was a married man. “I see, some embarrassing childhood pictures I could browse for then?!”, you tried to cheer yourself up.  
“Don’t even try, love”, he chuckled.

The drive went by quickly and you found yourself in front of the biggest house you’d ever seen. And you’d seen plenty of them. It was majestic, close to a castle, with lots of greenery. Hell, the garden was at least ten times as big as your apartment in the city of London, which was far from small itself.

“T- that’s where you grew up?”, you stuttered.  
“Yeah my dad owns a few houses. One’s in Ibiza, one in Switzerland, a mansion in LA, there’s also the apartment in Kensington. I used to live in Kensington one with my girlfriend, but we decided to get our own place in Soho”, he laughed.  
“So nice to hear, how’s Jessica by the way?” you asked as you both walk towards the front door.  
“She’s good, very good. But it’s so hard to have such hectic lives, my touring and her modelling job. Who am I to tell you about these kinds of things? You know exactly what I’m talking about. Greet Josh from me, by the way.”, he answered. Hearing those words, your mind drifted to your boyfriend, Josh, and you wondered what he was on about in this moment. Your thoughts were cut off as the door swung open.

“Hi, there you are, kids.” Kids. Ouch. “Nice to see you again Mr. Taylor!”, you stretched out your hand. “C’mere”, he took you by surprise and pulled you into a big hug. When he released you from the probably best hug you’d ever received, a slight pink shade started to form on your cheeks. Thankfully the two didn’t notice, because he turned to Rufus and greeted him just the same way.  
Rogers expensive cologne still lingered on your chest from the hug and you swore it was your favorite smell already.

“You two must be hungry, I prepared some ‘pigs in blankets’ for lunch. I know it’s not much, but Sarina’s not here and I suck at cooking.”, Roger stated proudly. “Sorry pap’s, I can’t stay over, I promised my girl Jessica to accompany her to a photoshoot. (Y/N)? I’ll pick you up at 8 to go back home?”, Rufus asked you.  
“Don’t bother, Rufus, enjoy your time with Jess.”, Roger said, as he turned to you “I can give you a ride home, (Y/N). I figured to stay in Kensington for the upcoming weeks, since my wife is gone to shoot a new movie. So if you don’t mind…”  
“I’d appreciate that, thank you, Mr. Taylor”, you smiled kindly.  
“It’s Roger for you, don’t make me even older than I already than”, he said with a sad smile, never leaving your eyes.  
“You’re not that old”, you decided to cheer him up. “She’s right”, Rufus chimed in. “..you still got it….. for an old man”, he laughed. Roger took it with humor and was quick to tell him: “Don’t you have somewhere to be, son?” A quick goodbye was exchanged, with the two of you left in the kitchen.

“Let me give you a quick house tour before we get to work, darling?”, his words sent shivers down your spine. With each room, your eyes grew bigger and bigger, it must have cost a fortune, made you speechless and Roger noticed your excitement, which made him kind of proud of himself. The mansion included seven bedrooms, a huge swimming pool, a Jacuzzi, several game rooms, stables and a tennis court outside. “Wow”, was the only thing you were able to mouth while you two stood in front of the lake, right beside his house. “You know, I always used to come down here, when things get too crazy. I’ve written so many songs here. It’s inspirational, peaceful.” “I can see exactly what you mean”, you agreed with him. “When things got too crazy for me, I never really had somewhere to go, you know? To blow some steam off. That’s why I literally exploded”, you sad with a sad smile. “Sorry to bore you with that.” “No, no, I know what it’s like, love. The constant pressure, people being complete wankers and judging your every move, I’ve been there before, don’t worry about that”, he gave you sympathetic smile. “…except that there isn’t a Grammy stood on my trophy wall”, he continued.  
You two started to laugh when a serious expression started to form on his face: “Seriously though, don’t let these wankers get to you. You’re a talented, pretty, young girl. If you should ever need some advice, help or anything, I’d love to help you out, to mentor you. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, this is only the beginning.”  
“Thank you, that means a lot coming from rock royalty, Mr. T-, I mean Roger”, you blushed. “Let’s get to work, shall we?”, you asked to escape the situation. It didn’t make you feel uncomfortable, in fact, you wanted to hug him and shower him with compliments, but that would be too weird, right?

You two made your way to the back of the house where his home studio was situated. It was bigger than any recording studio you’d ever been in. You spotted approximately 20 guitars, a beautiful white piano, a ukulele, 5 drum kits in different sizes etc. You found yourself admire the walls, which held framed drum skins of his, one had his face on, another one had a simple ‘Queen’ written over it, and right next to that, one with the Queen logo. As you reached the last one a ‘smile’ crept onto your face, as it was the Smile band logo (see what I did there? 😉)  
You were so mesmerized by the drum skins, that you didn’t notice Roger standing right behind you. “I see you’ve found the old gems, love”, he made you jump. You couldn’t even find the words to say before he began: “So I’ve got this little song here and I’d like to release it sometime soon, but I’d love to hear your opinion on it, your honest opinion!”, with that the song began to play.

A heavy guitar started the song, while a steady beat kicked in in the background, accompanied by the lyrics ‘wake up, you boys; shape up, you girls; are you, aware; there’s gangsters running this world’. You lost it at the next part when there was heavy drumming involved, nodding your head to the beat, while Roger always kept his eyes on you, to get a great view of your reaction. Once the song was over, he broke the silence: “So? How’s that? Be brutally honest!”

“Honestly?”, you managed to keep a straight face which turned into a smile, “I love it, the guitars, the drums, the lyrics, it’s catchy and has a real meaning.”

“Are you sure? I could spend a little more time on mixing it to-“ “It’s perfect, Roger, I mean it”, you cut him off. He smiled at you. How could a rock legend like him be so self – conscious? As he fiddled with the buttons on the mixing board you found yourself staring at him. Admiring his beauty, blue ocean eyes, you could get lost in them. You dreamed of situations like this since you were younger, even younger than now. He didn’t look his age at all, his smile looked the same as it did in 1975. Damn. How could anybody be so beautiful?

“..did you just hear me?”  
“Sorry, what?”  
“I asked if you want to grab something to eat right now? We could take it down to the lake”  
“That sounds awesome”, you answered. 

“What’s the song called?”, you asked as you dipped your feet into the lake, taking a bite from the ‘pig in a blanket’.  
“Gangsters are running this world, actually. I also dubbed it to be the ‘purple version’”  
You nearly choked at his words. “Purple?”, asked.  
“Yeah, it’s kind of an homage to you and your band. You inspired me on the musical parts”  
For the literally hundredth time that day you felt speechless. You just stared at him searching for words, which you most certainly couldn’t find. 

This atmosphere inspired you to the fullest: peace, silence, only birds chirping, you decided to scribble down some lyrics into your notebook. You didn’t even have to think hard about it, it just came naturally. Once you looked up, Roger was already looking at you. “What? Do I have something on my face?”, you asked.  
“No, was just admiring the view, I must say you look very beautiful today. Not just today, you always do.”, he said. You thanked him and were quick to excuse yourself to the bathroom, even though had no intention to use it. Is this really happening? You splashed some water on your face to calm down a little.

*Roger’s POV*  
‘Wow you really outdid yourself once again’, he thought to himself. ‘What is this girl doing to you?’ He knew it was wrong to say such a thing, but he couldn’t help himself once he saw your face all concentrated, shining eyes flying over the paper, the tip of your tongue poking out to lick your lips slowly. 

*(Y/N)’s POV*  
You made your way back to Roger, as it was starting to get darker and darker outside.  
“I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable earlier.”, he apologized.  
“That’s not it, Roger, I’m just really tired, it’s been a long night yesterday and I’m exhausted.” Lies. You were literally asleep once you arrived home at 11 pm.  
“That little boyfriend of yours got kept you awake then?”, he laughed.  
“Stop”, you playfully hit him. You didn’t want to admit that it was actually him, you were thinking about right before you fell asleep.  
The ride home was quiet, mainly because you fell asleep after 5 minutes, cuddled into the seat of Roger’s spacious Range Rover.  
“(Y/N), love? We’re here!”, he gave you a light shake, got out of his seat, walked over to your side, to open the door for you.

“thanks for your help today”, he smiled down at you.  
“I wasn’t any help at all, but you’re welcome”, you smiled back.  
Roger pulled you into a hug, there it was. His smell, you wouldn’t mind staying like this forever. And your heart started to beat fast.

The warm, safe feeling was quickly cut off by the clicking of cameras. Fuck. Paparazzi.  
You exchanged quick goodbyes, escaping the situation and to prevent more pictures to be taken. Fuck. They had to ruin everything. Maybe it was for the best.  
Walking into the flat Josh had already been waiting for you on the couch. 

“What is that?” he sounded angry.  
“What is what?” He pointed to a picture on his phone which showed Roger and you hugging just a few minutes ago. Fuck, those paparazzi’s work fast.


	3. Daydreamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s loads of dialogue.. sorry for that??

“Wtf, dad? “  
Lola‘s voice filled Roger‘s apartment in Kensington, as he was sat on his huge black leather couch, watching her pace around.  
“What‘s wrong, honey?“  
“Don‘t ‘honey’ me Paps. What‘s going on between you and Y/N? I’ve seen pictures!“  
“Nothing‘s going on. She came down to Surrey to talk music and I gave her a ride home. You’re overreacting, honey!”  
“I know when you‘re lying, Paps! I can see the way you’re looking at her, you used to look at mum just the same way! Dad, you’re never this affectionate, not even in public. Hell, you don‘t even properly hold Sarina‘s hand. And now this? That‘s disgusting! She could be my sister! She could be your daughter! You‘re 50 years older than her, goddamn!!!“

Lola was now shouting at her dad, letting anger take over.  
Roger just sat there in silence.  
Listening carefully to his daughter, knowing that everything is true.  
Every single word.  
But why did he feel guilty about it?  
Nothing‘s happened anyway.  
That‘s what helped Lola calm down.  
Nothing‘s happened anyway.  
That‘s what Roger told himself when he was tossing and turning in his bed late at night, thinking about one thing only. 

But something’s happened, deep inside of him.

But it was wrong.  
So wrong.  
His heart began to speed up just thinking about the previous day.  
Reminiscing. Reminiscing how your face lit up when you discovered his drum skins in the studio, or when you had heard his new song. Your sparkling eyes, getting wider and wider during the tour through his house.

You, sitting by the lake with a stern look on your face, scribbling down some lyrics.  
When your eyes met his, he felt it.  
There was an exciting feeling, deep inside of him.  
But he tried to shrug it off - without success.

One look on the clock. 2 am. He couldn‘t get himself to sleep, so he decided to go for a walk. Down by the Thames on a bench was his secret hideaway spot. Roger first discovered it after he got into a heated argument with Tim Staffel, his former Smile band mate.

He found himself in that peaceful spot quite often, even when Queen started to take off, to just get some air. Arguments happened to literally be on the daily Queen agenda during those times. It‘d been a while since he had actually been here, but nothing had changed.

The night was quiet and peaceful as the moon lit up the river Thames. Slight sounds of traffic could be heard from the city. As he got closer to his secret spot, he noticed that the bench was already occupied. Roger was not sure if he should approach the bench anyway, despite not knowing if this person was a serial killer or something like that. (LOL, jk guys be careful though!)

As he got closer and closer this person looked even more familiar to him.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”  
You flinched when you saw a man approach you, until you recognized his figure. 

“Roger?? Ahh, just couldn’t sleep. I could ask you the exact same thing” you answered as he plunged himself next to you on the bench. You sat there in silence for a few minutes, until he decided to speak up again, looking directly into yours eyes:

“Will you now tell me what’s really going on?” he put his arm around your shoulder, wiping away a few of your tears.   
He felt it again this incredible warmth and completeness.

Yes. You’ve been crying.  
After a heated argument with Josh, you stormed out of your flat.  
In situations like these, your past self would have already been drugged down, drunk and fooling around with a hot stranger. But not this time.

“Everything’s alright Roger, seriously” wiping away a few new tears.  
“Look, I get it if you don’t want to talk. Especially to me, but if I can help you out… You know I’m here for you, love. C’mere, at least take my coat you’re freezing”, with that he handed you his coat and even through protest, he insisted on you to take it.  
Being all snuggled up into his coat made you feel safe in this cold night. Surrounded by Roger’s warmth. The coat smelled just like him, heavenly.

“Now you‘re freezing, I feel so guilty“ you snuggled closer into his side.  
”Love, don‘t worry I‘m more than alright like this“ wrapping his arms tighter around you.  
His cheeky smile made you laugh.

“You know, I used to come down here every so often when I was younger. Guess my secret spot is not much of a secret anymore.” he laughed.  
“You remind me a lot of my younger self. Carefree, not really giving hoot about what others think.”   
He was probably implying your various drug encounters and one night stands. He must have done his homework on you then, reading the daily papers. Roger was also not so innocent in the past, living life the fullest. You’d done your homework on him, considering these terms as well.

“Those were some crazy times. I’m sure you’d have enjoyed it, it was unbelievable, really. You’d not believe my stories if I told them to you, love. You would have been a perfect fit.”  
“You think so?”   
The 70’s had always been your favorite time period, whether it was in relation to music or the lifestyle. 

“100% sure, love. I would have gone crazy to have such a beautiful girl like you on my arm and we would have done some bonkers shit.”  
The thought of being with Roger in the 70′s made your heart flutter.  
“YOU think that I‘m beautiful?“  
“Obviously, love. But you most certainly don‘t need me to tell you that.“ his smile fell.

Oh right. Josh. Your boyfriend.

"How about some tea, love? “  
You could never get tired of him calling you pet names, even though it made you blush every single time.  
Agreeing to tea, he led you to his Kensington flat which was again very breathtaking.

Luxurious interior. Marble. Leather.  
You always dreamed of such a home.  
Not saying that your flat was packed with a bunch of old stuff.  
It‘s just different.  
Well, maybe because he had so much more money and actually could afford a place like this.  
Who would‘ve thought that winning a Grammy wouldn’t guarantee you unlimited money and stardom?

Sitting on the counter, you watched Roger pour the tea from the kettle into 2 cups.  
“Sugar? Cream? “  
“1 cube of sugar and a splash of cream, please“  
“Another thing we have in common then“ he smiled at you with shining blue eyes.  
“And the other things in common would be? “ you asked curiously.  
“I don‘t know, love“ he answered “being absolutely smashing musicians, amazingly talented and wandering around Hyde Park at 2.30 in the morning, maybe?“  
You now both burst into laughter when suddenly everything turned quiet again, sipping on tea. 

“I rushed off. Didn‘t feel like arguing. Got me into some serious shit in the past“ “Huh?”  
“You asked me what‘s really going on earlier. Josh and me….had an argument. I had to blow off some steam and didn‘t really want to stay with him tonight"  
“Is it because of the paparazzi pictures? Everyone seems to freak out about them and I don’t even know why. You have a boyfriend, I have a wife. Nothing happened anyway.” Wife. It stung a little. But he was telling the truth.

“Anyway, what‘d you want to do, love? Stay on the bench in the freezing cold in your little outfit?“ Looking down on yourself you were still dressed in ripped jeans and a white bralette.  
“Yeah. Partly because of the pictures. No, I could get a hotel room. I should go now actually. Don’t want to bother you more than I already have and I’m also verrrryyy tired. Thanks for the tea and company, Roger. You definitely made my night“

As you made your way back to the front Roger hesitated but was quick to speak up again:  
“Why don’t you just stay here?”

Everything was quiet again. You didn’t know what to say.

“There’s no way I’m going to let you go out there alone at this time in the freezing cold. You could uhh, sleep in one if the guest rooms if you want? So.. uhh.. you don’t have to look around for a hotel…”

“Roger, I don’t want to bother you-“  
“Stay.”

You agreed to stay in his flat. Before settling into the room, he handed you a shirt of his to sleep in and wished you good night by hugging you and giving you a peck on the cheek. 

His shirt was baggy around you and reached your mid thighs. It smelled like him. Suddenly, inspiration struck you again as you reached for the notebook, that you always kept in your bag.

It was your lyric notebook, as you flipped through the pages, you finally landed on the lyrics you had written down at Roger’s home by the lake in Surrey.

-Surrey-

Sitting on the sea  
Soaking up the sun

A jaw dropper  
Looks good when he walks  
Is the subject of their talk  
He would be hard to chase  
But good to catch

…. was already written on the page…. and you decided to add some more…

With eyes that make you melt  
He lends his coat for shelter  
Plus he’s there for you  
When he shouldn’t be

…. before you fell sleep clutching your notebook in your right hand…

A loud bang woke you up. 5 am.   
“Where is she, where did you keep her? I know she must be here somewhere”  
A unknown female voice filled the flat, full of anger and betrayal.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sarina.”  
“Y/N of course! I should’ve known you can’t keep in your pants, Roger. Especially when some young slag opens her legs wide for you to shag. That’s so typical of you.”

You listened closely; tears started to form in your eyes. A slag. That’s what the papers said. But you had changed. Did you change? You tried so hard to be a better person, to improve. To prove them wrong. You didn’t even do anything wrong. Or did you?

After quick consideration, you decided to change into your own clothing again, to sneak out of the window. Thank god there was a fire escape.

The walk home seemed to take ages. It was still early, so no one recognized you walking the streets looking like a mess.

At the same time, Roger could convince his wife, that no one was in the flat with him, still she decided to spend the rest of the night elsewhere.  
As Roger wanted to check in with you, the room was empty.   
He totally understood your actions, it saved him a lot of trouble, but still hoped you would have stayed.

As he was about to leave the room, he spotted something in the middle of the bed.  
It was a little notebook. Your notebook.


	4. Chapter 4

…. when you arrived at home you found your boyfriend Josh sleeping on a chair in the entrance hall of your flat. He made sure to sit there and wait for you to get home. Josh never intended for you to leave him that night, like you did. He was too good for anyone, always searching for a conversation to talk things out, instead of throwing everything under a bus. He was always trying to find a solution, no matter how severe the situations and problems might seem.   
He looked so peaceful, legs sprawled out, his hands crossing over his chest as light snores escaped his mouth. His current state made you feel guilty, guilty that you spent the night away from him, while he was sitting at home, worrying about where you could have gone and what could have happened, wandering the streets of London at night all on your own. Guilty, that sudden feelings were creeping into your system, which did not mainly involve him anymore.  
Lost in your thoughts the door behind you made a loud sound as it shut, which you did not intend, and it made Josh shuffle. His eyes shot open once he realized that you finally arrived at home and he jumped up from the chair, basically jumping into your arms having a feeling of relief rushing through his body, seeing that you made it home safe. 

-Y/N! Where have you been, babe? I’ve been worried sick! Don’t you ever leave again like that, PLEASE, I beg you! - he nuzzled his face into your neck, having his arms wrapped around you tightly. 

~a week later~

This time it wasn’t you the one to leave. It was your boyfriend, Josh. In fact, he went on tour with his band through North America, which meant approximately 3 months without him, though you were supposed to join for the last 2 weeks of their tour. Being without him for 3 months would mean loads of time for being productive, productive in a sense of recording a new album. 

-where in the world is it??- you mumbled as you were searching for your little notebook in which you kept all your thoughts inside, they then turned into songs. While making a mess in yet another room, searching for the little crème leather notebook you received as a birthday gift from a friend a few years ago, the memory of your first ever songwriting experience flashed before your eyes.

*it was a lazy Sunday afternoon and you were sitting behind the piano, a crumbled-up paper with a few lines scribbled on it in front of you. Those words written on the paper made you feel vulnerable, all your heart and soul expressed through words: broken love, insecurities, everything you’ve been wanting to talk about, but never actually had the courage to say out loud. Placing your fingers on the piano and hitting the first few notes was finally it, releasing everything, telling a story, processing feelings. It was like an addiction. Finally creating something, something that people might be able to relate to and making them feel understood was the goal*

Something you were glad to receive when you were younger and now you were lucky enough finally meet your heroes: Brian, Roger…

-FUCK- Roger has it. 

You left your notebook in his guest room. Oh no. Pacing around the flat and running your fingers nervously up and down your temples didn’t help the situation very much. You had to call him.

You gathered all your courage to call him, but as the phone kept ringing and ringing you felt more embarrassed by the fact that he didn’t pick up right away.

-Hi love- a hoarse voice finally spoke up. It was him. A feeling of relief rushed through your body.

-Um hi Roger, sorry to disturb you. I think I might have left m..my notebook at your place and I’d need it. We’re going to record today, and I certainly can’t do without it.   
-uhh yeah. I’ll look for it, text me the address and I’ll drop it off at the studio? - he asked. When in reality he didn’t have to look for it, because once he saw it sit on top of the table in the guest room, he decided to keep it secure in one of his drawers, which only he had access to.

-no need to, I’ll come pick it up myself, don’t want to cause any more trouble – you laughed nervously.   
\- no, love, it’s no trouble at all, remember what I told you. Got to go now, see you later, text me. - with that he hung up the phone, not giving you a chance to disagree with him anymore.

After texting him, a sudden realization hit you as he currently possessed YOUR most precious belonging. You kept everything in it, EVERYTHING! Secrets and thoughts no one was ever going to hear about. You wrote about him. Never actually mentioning his name but Roger was smart, it didn’t take much to realize it was about him. You could only hope that he wasn’t as nosy, as he was caring.

Studio days were long and basically sucking the life right out of your body by the hour. First the writing, arranging everything, then recording, doing dozens of overdubs and the worst part: mixing.   
Due to the given circumstances you decided to wear a warm white jumper, some plaid black-white pants and a fuzzy coat. (as shown in the picture) with a little make up on. It was all about being and feeling comfortable.

Due to the absence of your notebook, you decided to record some songs written by your other band members first. It was successful until your guitarist Dan and drummer Sid (which happened to be hotheaded) decided to throw a tantrum about the pace of a song written by Dan. 

As expected, Roger was right on time and watched the whole thing go down from the other side of the glass wall.

-Guys, please calm down, we can all sort it somehow- you tried to calm Sid down as he fiddled around with his drumsticks pointing at Dan, lingering around in his business.   
-stop fucking pointing at me with your fucking drum sticks, oh yeah forgot. that’s the only thing you’re good at!!! - Dan spat at Sid. 

-you know what? Fuck you, at least I manage to do a good solo, you’re the one playing the same 4 chords in each and every song of yours! – the drummer Sid countered. 

-that’s it, I’ll fucking quit. - Dan slid his guitar off his shoulder and stepped forward to talk to you.   
\- what? Dan? - you asked him in disbelief, tears started to brim in your eyes.   
-I’m so sorry Y/N. I just can’t work with him anymore. - Dan pointed into Sid’s direction.  
-but the album is halfway finished. You can’t leave right now- you tried to keep him on board. without success.   
-I’m sorry, really am.- shooting a sympathetic smile and gave you one last hug before leaving the recording area. 

-umm, Y/N? - the producer’s voice filled the room through the speaker. -there’s someone here for you- you lifted your head up from your hands and looked through the glass. Roger was standing there with a big paper bag in his hands.

-alright, I think that’s it for today- you gave Sid, your bass player Anthony and the producer the rest of the day off, considering the fact that the band was now missing a member.

-Sorry you had to witness all that - you glanced up at Roger, wiping your wet cheeks before shooting him a sad smile.   
\- you know, that’s nothing compared to the fights we had way back when..- Roger tried to cheer you up, setting the paper bag on the table next to the mixing board and taking his sunglasses off.  
-c’mere, love- Roger held his arms out for a hug, there was no better feeling than being in his arms again. It was wrong, after everything that happened the last time you had seen each other, but at the same time it almost felt like a healing process, having his arms wrapped around your waist. The warmth and kindness, love. He looked so good in his blue jumper, his hair was slightly brushed back.

-I brought you something- Roger broke the hug, as his blue eyes shone of excitement – I know how these studio days can get- he grabbed the paper big paper bag and pulled out a burger and fries. – thought you might be hungry- he smiled and placed it in front of you.   
\- oh god, Rog, that’s really what I need right now, but you didn’t have to. Thank you so much- you grabbed the food and let yourself fall back on one of the leather couches. He pulled yet another surprise out of the paper bag: Curly Wurly chocolate bars.

-Y’know Rufus told me you like these- he placed the bars on the table.

-oh, did he? - you asked and he nodded. -did he also tell you that we basically lived off these when we were on tour? - you laughed as you took another bite of your hamburger, Roger joined you on the leather couch with your notebook in his hands.  
\- you and Rufus really get along, huh? - he smiled at you to which you nodded. 

-here you go, love- he handed the little book to you   
-kept it safe, suppose your songs are in there. Don’t worry, I didn’t read anything. I know just how important each song can be, you treat them like they are your kids, you’re proud of them, no matter what other people might think. Look, the situation might not look too rosy right now about your whole band situation- he placed his hand on your shoulder- you must understand him, he’ll come around. Dan was it, the guitarist, right? - you nodded, and he continued- Dan will come around, he cares a lot about his own song, especially when someone interrupts and tries to change every single bit. Hell, I’m not proud of it but to be honest, I once locked myself into a cupboard to convince the others to release my song- Roger laughed and put his arm around you to pull you closer into his shoulder, while gently rubbing your arm. Despite the heaviness in your stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his, it felt comfortable and you sunk into the warmth of his side. It was an appreciative, simple gesture, but his touch made the room slightly warmer somehow. 

-I’m in love with my car? I’m glad you did it though, it’s a really good song- you laughed into his shoulder like it was the most natural thing. 

-You know about that? - he blushed. -But see? That’s why I did it- he gave your hair a few strokes to calm you down a bit, which helped a lot. 

You devoured the rest of the burger, fries and ‘curly wurly’ bars with Roger when the look on his face suddenly became more serious.

-Was she very mad at you? Your wife? - you asked, expecting to hear the worst. Expecting that he’ll never want to see you again or hang out with you again. 

-not so bad, don’t really want to talk about her though. There’s nothing to worry about – he assured you and tried to avoid the topic furthermore. 

-well, gotta get back to business again- you lifted your head off his shoulder and got up

– got to go and try mix a few songs now that I’ve sent the producer home, gosh I hate mixing songs. But thank you again for bringing me the food and my precious little thing right here- you pointed at your own personal lyric collection

-I couldn’t live withou-  
-Do you want me to help you?- Roger blurted out, interrupting your sentence. -mixing the songs?-

-I couldn’t ask you to do that, you’ve helped enough, but thanks- you tried to assure him that you’d be ok.   
\- I’ve been struggling myself at first, in fact I hated mixing all the songs, but I swear it gets better. - he plopped himself down on one of the chairs behind the mixing board and you joined him.   
-ok I’d love your help then, if it’s no trouble-

-Ok look, you need to keep the elements in the mix at a steady and balanced level, without abnormal level changes popping out all over the place. – he fiddled around the faders on the boards, quickly glancing at you as you watched carefully - moving the faders around should get you very close to a rough mix.- he continued - try to find a good equilibrium and balance between the left and right speaker, you don’t want your track all over the place either – you nodded as he kept on giving you more useful tips about how each instrumental part must be handled differently without resulting in a clattering or having an instrument drown into the back.

Roger being Roger sometimes managed to fool around a bit on the faders to create interesting sounds, that made you laugh and escape the seriousness.

It was 1 am when the last track from half of the album was finally finished.   
-about the Dan situation- Roger spoke up – don’t let it get to your head that much, love. Give him some time, we could help you out in the meantime. When we first went on tour to support another group, Brian fell awfully sick and we also started to record without him at first. I know exactly how you’re feeling right now. We were scared to death about how we were going to continue without him for quite some time. - 

He hugged you again, and it felt like nothing else mattered in this moment. Not the band, nor the unfinished album, not a single thing, only being with him, having his strong arms around your waist, telling you everything was going to be alright.

You broke the hug after you found it to be too long, as you didn’t want things to be awkward, when he was being the sweetest guy. 

\- you’re so strong, dealing with everything, overcoming so much- Roger still held you close, brushing some of your hair out of your face to get a better look at you.   
\- I wish we could have met in other circumstances and I- the moment was interrupted by his ringing phone and he went to get it.

-sorry that was Sarina, she’s in America right now filming a movie, whatever. – he shrugged, knowing that this moment could not be saved anymore.

He noticed a hint of sadness on your face and it made his heart ache, he shouldn’t have said that, but it was his reality, his reality that he was not sure of still being destined to be in. The more time he spent with you, the more wrong it felt to keep spending time with his wife, when it was supposed to be the other way around. His feelings told him otherwise

-Are you going to be here tomorrow? - Roger asked you with a feeling of hope in his chest.

-Well, yeah, we got the studio for the next month, I’m going to be here every day- you answered as he helped you get into your coat. 

-perfect- Roger smiled. -how about Chinese takeout tomorrow then? –


	5. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as this relationships develops I’d be happy to hear some of the concepts you guys have/ would love Reader and Rog do/experience etc. :) I’d be really grateful and excited to hear some of that..
> 
> If you were wondering about the band members I had in mind:  
Guitar: Dan Richards  
Drums: Hubert Gromadzk  
Bass: Joe Dart

„How was that?“ your drummer Sid gave you a questioned and expecting look through the glass wall from the recording booth, as he fiddled around with the drum sticks, twirling one in his right hand. Roger was already in the black leather chair next to you, willing to produce the whole new album and of course, he didn’t give you a chance to deny it, or to put it better, he insisted on taking over the job as producer. 

“It was good, really good…. but I don’t know.. I feel like we’re repeating ourselves over and over again” your eyes darted from the sound board to your band member. “It’s good, but it all sounds the same. Don’t you think?” You put your elbow to rest your chin in your hand in a thoughtful gesture looking to Roger beside you. His air was a bit messy, but still looked flawless. He put so much work and detail into each song, trying to make little masterpieces out of them, but as much as you appreciated his work, something was wrong. 

“I’ll try a new pattern then? To match the tempo you had in mind?” Sid made you beam back him again, already finding a new beat as he was waiting for your answer. 

“Have you tried drumming machines?” Roger firstly looked at you, then Sid, then back at you.

“It’s not exactly the real thing but it’ll give you something to experiment with” Roger suggested, lightly scratching his beard. 

“Your call, boss” Sid smiled at you , he was indeed excited about Roger’s ‘new role’ in your band, considering that he had been a life - long fan of his, picking up drumming because of Roger in the first place. It should also be mentioned that his parents met at Live Aid back in 1985 when they were just 15 years old, both stood in front row cheering on their favourite band: Queen. Sid especially recalled seeing pictures of Roger in magazines his parents owned, showing a younger Roger wearing some nice suits, having a glass of wine in his hand and always a beautiful young thing by his side. A major part in his decision making on wanting to become THE next Roger Taylor. And he did.. Well sort of.. Sid was someone who enjoyed life… and especially the ladies… He enjoyed it so much that he lost count of the hearts he had loved and left haunted. 

“Ok, let’s try it, you guys mind if I go out for a smoke?” you asked as Sid jumped excitedly into the seat next to Roger. 

“It’s alright love.” Roger gave you a smile and turned to Sid “Now, we’ll start with the basics, you can imitate any percussion on this, if you just…” Roger’s voice drowned out as you made your way out of the sectioned area you had rented, up the stairs to the roof terrace. After 10 minutes of smoking and collecting your thoughts you made your way back onto the ground floor, passing the counter in the foyer where Laura, a good friend of yours had been working. Dan had declined all calls since his outburst in the studio the other, which didn’t make the situation any easier. Arriving back in the booth the drum backing track had surprisingly fast, already been laid down.

Time went by flying as Roger showed Sid some tricks of his own on the drums, which left him amazed. 

“Today’s been great, you’re heading into a kind of different direction in terms of music, I mean your last two albums were excellent, but I think this is going to be even better” Roger smiled adding finishing touches to the mastering of yet another song. Sid had left you two to it again, heading off to meet his parents. Probably also to tell them that he is currently working with rock royalty, but we’ll leave that aside. 

“You listened to those? I’m sorry, I’m just.. I never thought someone like you would listen to my kind of stuff” you chuckled. 

“Someone like?” he laughed. “Why do you always think so bad of yourself? Those two records were really good! Of course I listened to them, got to know what’s hot in the moment… Y’know.. what the teenagers fancy… or whom. I read all the music magazines.”

“You’re probably the only person who still reads those” you laughed giving him a light pat on the shoulder. 

“Hey” he frowned a bit, but a smile appeared on his lips, signalling he wasn’t taking it too seriously. 

“You’re growing with your music, it’s a good thing. Without any of the growing and changing part, Queen would have probably never made it. Gotta think outside the box y’know, do what your heart tells you to do.” He touched your shoulder in a loving gesture. 

“And if it tells me to quit?” you whispered but it was still audible for him. 

“I don’t know if I want to keep doing it. I’m not feeling it anymore, the excitement, the relief, the love…” 

“Are you sure you’re still talking about music here?” Roger looked at you softly, trying to test the waters. 

“I don’t know… Music’s always been there for me when friends or family were turning their backs on me, or when I was too afraid to ask for help, I’d just put some record on and everything was fine. It helped me cope with so much, you helped me cope with so much.” looking into his eyes. 

“Listening to your music was almost like a healing process, I know it sounds weird but it was and still is. I’m just… confused right now. Do I want to continue? Make an album, tour and then end up in the same dark place I had been in two years ago, because absolutely nothing feels right about it? Do I attempt to make my fans happy, but end up disappointing them because nothing feels right? There’s always so much pressure, I don’t even know who we’re doing this for anymore” by now there were a few hot tears escaping your face. You felt pathetic. Pathetic for always crying and being miserable when Roger was around. He must think you’re a fool by now, someone that’s not capable of the spotlight anyway. Someone weak and undeserving. 

On the other hand….. 

Roger knew what it meant to make sacrifices, also for the sake of his other three band members back in the day. When you’re up against 3 equals, you’re not always able to convince them with your ability or choice. Whether it depends on the melody and musical part of each song or the lyrical choices. Roger often recalls having a song idea, which then ended up being taken apart by his band mates, trying to change every little thing possible. 

This happens, especially when each individual has their own favourite type of musical style. The journey of a musician in expanding their horizon ends, with not feeling it inside their heart anymore. Or the feeling being lost, hurt and especially left out. No matter how many people they’re surrounded with.

You two were sitting with him on the black leather couch, one leg on the couch, one on the ground, while he was listening to you ramble on as if was the most interesting thing ever. Comforting you, giving advice, but most importantly not trying to lead you into any direction, which many people have tried before. He was there. He cared. Lost in comfort you pulled up your feet to place them in his lap. 

“I was too stubborn when I was younger, but I know now! Don’t do what might sound like the best idea. It usually ends up going into the opposite direction. If following your heart means breaking free from everything that’s holding you back now, then you could do that” Roger gave you a sympathetic smile, softly rubbing your ankles.  
“If it means taking a break from all of this” he made a circling gesture “then you could do that! Don’t feel like letting anyone down, they’ll understand. We used to release an album every year for quite some time, but the fans still continued supporting us, it’s not going to be any different here.” You brought your legs from his lap to the ground scooting closer to him. A failed attempt. 

“Do you know how to play?” he picked up the drum sticks that had been lying on the little table beside him and you shook your head in response. He got up and walked over to the drum kit with you following closely.

“Be ready to learn from the best then” he sat down on the little stool behind the kit, making enough room for you between his legs, patting for you to sit down. You did. You held the drum sticks in both of your hands when he brought his around you, to teach you a simple pattern. 

“So try hitting the high hat eight times in beat of one measure. Snare comes in at 2nd and 4th hit.” You followed his instructions perfectly earning praise.  
“Yeah, just like that, keep the tempo. Now try adding the kick drum on both beginning and end of the 1st and 3rd beat.” You followed his instructions again. 

“We have a natural here” Roger laughed reaching forward to brush the hair out of your face that was sticking to your forehead. 

“Solo time” it took a few loud clashes on the cymbals to send the sticks flying through the room.  
“Ooops” you laughed covering your mouth with your hand, your head slightly tilting to one side as Roger laughed into your shoulder.  
“A true rockstar” you turned your head to face him.

No phone this time, no text interrupting this moment. There it was. Your all or nothing moment. 

You leaned forward pressing your lips against his.  
He helped you turn around to sit in his lap without ever breaking the kiss.

“You’re the most impactful, strong and beautiful woman I got to witness in such a long time” he brought his hand up and brushed a few strands of your hair out of your face. 

You moved closer to him, pressing your lips against his again and he deepened the kiss.  
Your heart was racing when your lips touched his, the feeling of his beard tickling your chin as his mouth started to move along with yours, his lips surprisingly soft. You moved your hand into his messy hair as one of his hands moved to your hip, the other cradling your cheek. Sudden realization hit you and you pulled back. Roger opened his eyes at the sudden loss of contact, when he saw you with your head already in your hands as you were nervously pacing around the room.

“I really seem to mess everything up, huh?” you mumbled to yourself, not intended for him to hear.  
“Hey, it’s alright” calming down was the last thing on your mind now. “You’re alright!”  
“No, nothing’s alright, Roger! I’ve been telling myself that for far too long now.. I get it if you don’t want to see or work with me ever again “you were cut off when his lips crushed against your again, he pulled you onto the leather couch with him, back into his lap. A feeling of safety crept into your heart as he pulled you tighter, kissing along your jaw.  
Nothing mattered, not the fact that your boyfriend was currently touring the states, avoiding every single temptation on the way, nor Roger’s wife who was patiently waiting for her husband’s phone call from the other side of the world.  
Your face was pressed against his chest, the scent on his shirt in your nose and it felt like the safest place in this world. He held you as close as possible.

“What are we now”  
“I don’t know. But I hate the fact you’re everything I was looking for, when I wasn’t looking for it.” Roger replied with a hint of sadness in his voice, caressing your hair. 

“Have dinner with me, I know this restaurant, pretty hidden…”  
“what if they-“  
“Brian’s going to be there. No paparazzi to worry about.”  
So you agreed. Without having any other conversation your current status, he held your hand. On the way to the cab, in the car itself, earning no suspicious look from the driver who probably didn’t even notice your intertwined fingers. Roger only let go once you entered the restaurant. 

Brian was already there, definitely not expecting you on joining them, as he had already taken a seat on a table for two. Roger was right, no paparazzi around.  
A young waitress with long brown hair pulled up into a ponytail, which was about 16 years old, was willing to reseat you. She was nervous and almost trembling, so you suspected her to be star struck by the two rock royalties who you shared the table with.. She came back with a tray of drinks, nearly tripping over own feet when she finally reached your table. Brian was just about to ask her if everything was alright, Roger beside you with a smug smile but it wasn’t them she was interested in.

“Actually I’m so sorry it’s not really professional, but (Y/N) I’m such a big fan!! Could I please take a picture with you! I’m so sorry to disturb you, I just can’t help myself” the young waitress bounced nervously from one foot to the other. Roger took a quick picture for the girl, who had now basically wrapped her arms around you, still trembling. It was cute, a small reminder of why you’re still doing this. Making people happy… but somehow always leaving yourself out of the frenzy of happiness. She thanked you by giving you another squeeze and you took your seat next to Roger. 

“So… how’s the album getting along? Roger told about some complications concerning the guitarist? Did everything turn out alright?” Brian asked, taking a sip from the beer in front of him.  
You were struggling to answer that question. Your guitarist had basically left, you were far behind in production and material. Yeah everything went great, except for the fact that management was pressuring you, because of the money they were about to lose. Everything was great.

Roger noticed the worry in your eyes so he was trying to change the topic.  
“Let’s not talk about work now, what are y’all having? Bill’s on me” he placed his hand on your thigh under the table, making sure no one would see and gave you reassuring squeeze. It was all you needed in this moment to calm down. 

Brian was quite suspicious. He had known his best friend for over 50 years now. Even considered him a brother. He knew when something was going on with Roger. And that was a lot in this moment. He saw it, right in front of him. Every single look that was exchanged between you and Roger, every single gesture and the exchanging touches. Love.

Roger payed the bill as promised and wanted to drop you off at your flat. Brian though had other plans, which involved a serious conversation with his best friend. So tricked Roger into the belief that some ‘serious’ problem about the upcoming tour came up. 

“What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing Roger?”


	6. Daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The relationship between Roger and Reader takes a huge turn as they get closer than they’ve ever been before. They also confess something to each other which has been long overdue
> 
> SMUT WARNING!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are ok with the fact that this is a bit different than everything that’s been happening before. Please let me know if you want more of it in the future or not. I appreciate every single one of you that is still sticking around. :) I have used Taylor Swifts lyrics of the song ‘Daylight’
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog on tumblr for giving me a few prompts to work with :)

The next day in the studio was restless. Especially for Roger.

Brian basically warned him about how things between him and you could never EVER work.

“Think about he future” Brian said. “She is young and you’re far from that, Rog. She’ll want to marry, have kids.. Do you really want to hold her back from living life like that? Throw away everything you’ve establish with Sarina? “

The words kept repeating in his head as he watched you set up your microphone on the other side of the room. He watched you as you were standing there, excitement in your eyes and a crumbled up, folded piece of paper in your hand. You carefully opened the paper, trying not to bruise it any more.

He saw you wave at him with a smile and your lips moving. Too lost in thought, forgetting to press the button that let your voice shine through the speakers.

“Oh sorry, what was it, (Y/N)?” Roger’s voice was quiet, his eyes half lidded in thought and his mouth in a small line.

“is everything alright? “ you asked, he put on a fake smile gave you a thumbs up and pressed a button and the playback started rolling.

“My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven

I’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye”

The sound changed, you changed. But the sad look on Roger’s face remained. “I’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye”? He thought it must be obviously about Josh. That all of this was a mistake and now you felt guilty. He wanted to leave the studio, stop keeping his hopes up high, hoping that Brian was wrong all along.

“Could we do that again? I’m not so sure about this first verse” you called from the other side.

“Sure” he replayed the whole sequence when the first chorus kicked in.

“I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you” he still didn’t get the memo, even when you tried to make eye contact with him. He never looked your way.

“I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20 year dark light

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight”

“so how was it? ” you hurried through the door, in anticipation for his opinion.

“great” he kept his head down, pretending to set everything up for the next song.

“didn’t you like it? Why are you acting so strange?”

“s’alright”

“no, something is wrong”

“That’s where you are right! I’m married for God’s sake. “ he blurted out with a raised voice, throwing his hands in the air.

You felt your heart brea. And the hot tears started to dribble down your cheeks. You didn’t even know what to say anymore. Roger was trying his best not to give in and show his feelings, to apologize for his sudden outburst, but he remained in his seat.

“Then why did you treat me like you care? The kiss, the holding hands? In the restaurant when he you kept touching me? It didn’t mean anything? “

The guilt was eating him alive.

“is that why you acted so strange earlier? Because you-“

“Do you really want to know why I acting ‘strange’? “Roger interrupted looking into your eyes. “this” he gestured his finger between the two of you. “could never work. We have no future! you’ll want to get married sometime, have kids and I’m not sure if I would want that anymore. I’d either be much older than now or even dead. I don’t want to be the one holding you back. Besides, we both have partners”

“yeah we do. But I want you, Roger”

He shook his head. “you don’t get it”

“please tell me. Tell me what I don’t get? “

“that I’m trying so hard. So hard not to think about you. To think about what you’re doing when we’re not here in the studio. Or if you’re ever thinking about me like I keep thinking about you all the time. You’ve been on my mind since the night we first met. No! Even before that you consumed my thoughts, making up scenarios of how I would be able to have even a hint of a chance,if I was just about your age now. It’s so hard to keep myself away from you. Then I make a move and Brian said-“

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks, Roger. How could you ever think of not having a chance? I should be the one asking you that” He stepped closer to you, close enough to take your face in both of his hands, wiping your wet cheeks with his thumbs.

“I just don’t want to fuck this up. You’re way too important to me”

Your heart started to race as he traced his thumb along your bottom lips.

“I’m in love with you, (Y/N) “

He closed the space between the two of you and you felt your lips brush, the bristles of his beard scratched against your soft cheeks. He was quick to gently brush the pad of his thumb to over your slightly bruised skin.

“I’m in love with you too, Roger” he pulled you into a tight hug, burying your face into his chest, making you feel warm inside and out.

He gently placed you down on the bed, crawling towards you until he was hovering over you.

“You have no idea how much I want you right now“ he growled as you sat up a little to remove your shirt. He was hovering above you, peppering kisses all over your still clothed breasts, continuing along your stomach, earning several moans from you.

"Is it ok if I-“ you nodded, allowing him to take off your trousers. By the time his attention was back on your upper body, the bra was taken off.

"Wow“ he breathed. "You‘re so beautiful! I‘m the luckiest man on this planet.“ you smirked, pulling him down to you, giving him a passionate kiss. He turned his attention to your neck, kissing slowly, savoring your scent as you fiddled with the buckle of belt, then finally freeing his member. He was half hard already and dripping precum when you gripped him, pumping his length a few times but Roger stopped you.

"I want to make you feel good tonight, my love“

His lips were still on your neck, one hand on your right boob, squeezing firmly, making your nipple erect. He continued pinching it between his and index finger before moving on to your other boob. He made his way down to your tummy, his beard scratching along with the movements of his mouth and your breathing got heavier the closer he got to your core.

He asked for permission once again, taking your panties off, you answered with a nod.

Roger positioned himself between you legs, his eyes fixated on your flower.

"So beautiful“ he whispered, planting gentle kisses to your inner thighs, making his way closer and closer to your already dripping core.

Roger flatened his tongue out to lick a long stripe along your folds. It felt so good as he tasted you entirely, getting him even more excited. He wrapped his arms around your legs, to gain more access, soaking his lips in your wetness. His tongue brushed over your precious pearl, earning a string of moans from your mouth as your hand reached out for his messy, white hair.

He gently inserted one of his experienced fingers into your wetness.

"Oh my, you‘re so tight.” he thrusted in and out, watching your chest rise and fall, bringing his tongue back to flick it across your clit. You gasped as he inserted another finger and sped up his movements, hitting all the right spots, quicky bringing you to your high as he watched you fall apart.

He removed his fingers and his mouth dived back into your wetness. “You taste… so delicious“ he licked you, then his slick fingers clean.

Roger was now rock hard. You tried to reach for his member, but he pinned your hands left and right to your head.

"I said I want to make you feel good tonight“ with a cheeky smile he leaned down to kiss you again. This time very passionately, making you taste yourself on his tongue.

He was in between your legs, holding his cock in his hand, teasing your clit with his tip to spread your juices all over it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?“ he asked softly.

"Yes, I love you.“

"I love you too, darling“ he slowly pushed in, his thick shaft stretching and disappearing into you, earning a moan from you.

” God you‘re so tight. Might need to give me a minute here, I‘m not used to it.. fuck so fucking tight“ he looked deep into your eyes, and your hand found its way into his hair. You were biting your lip even thinking about how the two of you are connected in this very moment.

After a short while he started to slowly thrust in and out of you.

“You fill me so good Roger.“ you moaned feeling eager, pushing your hips together with his, making him go even deeper. He almost slided all the way out, before pushing even harder back in.

"God Rog.. I think I‘m..“

"Let go love, cum all over my cock“

A last hard thrust and his fast fingers on your clit made you clench down on him, making you see stars in the process.

The sensation of your tight pussy made Roger feel the cum rising in his balls. His strong hands were digging into your waist, making sure to leave his marks, pushing his cock deeper and deeper into you with each thrust.

He leaned forward and pinned your arms again, intertwining his finger with yours. He was in complete control.

"I‘m going to cum“ he moaned.

"Cum inside me Roger“

Keeping eye contact, he buried himself as deep as possible into you as he released his seed. Your body was trembling from the sudden rush of another orgasm.

Roger collapsed on top of you, nuzzling his head into your neck as he panted heavily. You brought your hand to gently stroke his back, then into his hair, trying to calm him down. You could feel his cock soften inside of you.

"Who knew an old man like me still has it in him, huh?“ he chuckled against your neck.

"Dork“ you pulled him down to you and gave him a peck. "I don’t want to hear you say that again. You I don’t care about your age! ….that was pretty amazing though” you said with a smile.

“See? But I agree. Only because of you though. I love you so much, (Y/N)”

“I love you too”

He gently slid out of you and his cum started oozing.

“I‘ll run you a bath, love“

"No Rog, wanna lay with you“

"Ok let me at least grab a towel for you“ he rolled from the bed and went to the bathroom.

” top shelf on the right“ you called after him.

After cleaning yourselves up, you cuddled into his bare chest. He kept playing with the ends of hair and tracing circles along your skin until you fell asleep to the steady rhythm of his heart beat.

You woke up to the chirping of birds, slowly opening yours to find Roger’s strong arms around you.

You lifted you head a little only to find two blue sparkling eyes looking into yours.

“G’morning beautiful” 

“Good morning handsome”

You took his right arm to have a closer look on his tattoos, tracing your fingertips along the inked skin. He smiled in awe as you kept inspecting his arm. There was no spot of skin left that hasn’t been painted in ink and you admired it.

"I could take you to get one yourself” he said making a motion for you to lay back on his chest. "A tattoo”

There you were now again, with your head on his bare chest, his hand on your bum. And it felt like is was the safest place on the planet.

It was until he spoke the words you never wanted to hear.

"I wish I could staz here withyou. My wife is coming home today”

“Oh”

“It’s going to be so hard, when you’re the only one I wanna wake up next to.” his hand found it’s way into your hair, trying to comfort you.

"But you’re not going to” you rolled of the bed, stormed into the kitchen with him quickly following.

At this point you couldn’t even hold the tears back anymore. He would go home. Not have anymore time for you. Tell his wife he loves her. Spend all day with her. Sleep with her. And you could do nothing about it.

"Please don’t cry! Not because of me. I promise we’re going to sort this out. You and me my love”

A peck on the lips.

And he was gone.


	7. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much only dialogue. Sorry that this one is shite. A little a bomb at end. It’s really, really short. Only because the next chapter is going to be filled with much spicy drama  
sorry for mistakes, english is not my first language
> 
> Warnings: mentions of cheating, cursing

Oh love. Love is all around. In the streets, in pictures, on Instagram. 

Of you course you couldn’t keep yourself from stalking her Instagram profile. Reviewing every single post that included Roger just in the slightest, being very careful, trying to leave no evidence behind, which could be resulting in accidently liking a post. Every picture of husband and wife together, smiling and happy made you feel smaller. Guilty, but also jealous. It was still her who could call Roger her own. 

Refreshing her feed – a new post. A picture of Sarina and Roger all snuggled up. The caption? Her stating how much she missed him while she was gone, confessing her undying love for him with a quote.

It made you feel sick. The thought that you just had to accept it how it was. The longer you stared at the picture, analyzing all the scenarios that could have happened between them and probably still do, made the situation even worse. Just when you thought the situation couldn’t get any worse, the phone rang. Josh.

“Hi baby, how’s it going? I miss you so much” he called from the other side of the world.   
“Hi Josh”  
“Is everything alright? You sound not too well”  
You couldn’t tell him the truth over the phone, could you?  
“Yeah… just miss you that’s all” …not entirely a lie.   
“I don’t really know if I can believe you” he said, clearly distracted by the sounds in the background. A clear indication that he was on their tour bus.   
“I get it if you don’t want to talk about it on the phone. But you can tell me in two days in person”  
“in two days?” shit  
“Yeah? Did you forget? You’re flying out to NYC for the last two weeks of tour!”  
“oh right. Of course, I know that” this time, it was a lie. How the fuck could you forget that?  
“So excited to hear what you’ve been doing while I was gone! Care to send me some demos of your new music? Or no!! I want to be with you when I first hear it. I can’t wait to be with you again, baby. Been so lonely without you”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t know what to say, or how to say anything without breaking down, confessing. It was so unfair to him. After everything you’ve been through together. But you know what they say. All is fair in love and war. Even if it hurts sometimes. [inserts “Too much Love will Kill you] 

“I got to go” Josh broke the silence which felt like it lasted minutes when in reality it was just seconds.   
“We’re on our next stop now, I’ll keep texting you though and please call me once you landed safely. I love you, (Y/N)”  
“Bye Josh”

1 unread message from: *From: Ruf – Darkness*  
“ look outside your window x”

Without hesitation, you went to the big window in your living room, looking out for Rufus. He was leaning with his back against the car, that used to be Roger’s in the 80’s, which he also drove when you went to Roger’s house in Surrey. His blond hair was in a bun. When he spotted you, he waved, his phone by his ear. Yours rang.

“Come on down, we’re going to have lunch together” he called through the phone with a smile on his lips.  
“Alright, give a few minutes” 

Throwing on the nearest clothes you could find, you rushed down to Rufus.

“Hi lovie” he hugged you and opened the door to the passenger seat.   
“Hi, it’s been a while” you got in. So far, so good.   
“Cheeky Nando’s ok for you?” he laughed, starting the car and diving directly into the London traffic.   
“More than ok. How’ve you been? How’s Jess?” Silence in Rufus’ presence never used to be awkward, but this time you dreaded any kind of those moments.   
“Same as always. My dad told me” What the actual f-.  
“I’m sorry, Rufus. I never meant to do that. I don’t know what’s gotten over me I- “  
Rufus scrunched his nose and a weird grimace was plastered on his face.   
“Uhm? You’re sorry for making a sick album that’s going to push my band right down further down the charts? Well, I accept your apology. But only because it’s you” he placed his hand on his heart to make the moment as dramatic as he could. This was the first time you felt like having a heart attack and dying on the spot. Your heart was beating so loud, you could feel the blood thumping in your fingertips and your cheeks were burning. He didn’t know. 

“Anyway, I already know what I want to have for lunch” he smiled to himself, putting his tongue between his teeth. You couldn’t deny the resemblance between Roger and him. And it made the situation even harder for you, keeping this big secret from him.

“I’ll have a beer and the peri peri chicken, please. (Y/N)? What are you having? This one is on me”   
“Just a water, please” you smiled to the waitress as she scribbled down the order.   
“nothing to eat?” Rufus asked.  
“I’m not that hungry” Rufus gave you a look, he knew that this was asign that something was wrong. You never turned food from Nando’s down. EVER.  
“You can order something and take it home with you for later” his blue eyes were soft, almost encouraging you. He always looked after you, even when you were piss drunk on tour. Even if Rufus was drunk himself, he wasstill the one that made sure you made it back safe to your room. Almost like a brother. And now you were fucking his dad. FUCK

“Ok. Uh’ll have the… Caesar salad”  
“Chicken on top?” the waitress asked.   
“No thanks” she went off to serve the next costumers.

“so tell me what’s on your mind. Has anything happened?” Rufus took a sip from his beer, making a little beard of foam appear above his mouth.   
“I don’t know. It’s… really complicated.”   
“We’ve been through so much weird shit together, I’m sure you can’t surprise or shock me anymore” hah if he only knew.   
You reached forward to play with the cutlery that was already placed on the table.   
“We’re friends. I can keep a secret.” His look was so sincere, you wanted to pour all your heart out and tell him every little thing. Maybe he would understand. Maybe he would laugh. But there was also a possibiity he would freak out and want nothing to do with you anymore. 

“So…?” he asked, breaking the silence.   
“I’ve been cheating on Josh” you said, carefully choosing your words.   
“ohhh with who?” he leaned forward like a little girl, that’s about to find out the latest school gossip. 

The waitress brought the food, saving you from answering that question.   
Rufus was quick to dig into his chicken, while you didn’t even touch your salad. 

“You didn’t answer my question. I’m curious. Who is the guy? Do I know him?” he asked with his mouth full of chicken. You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe dropping some hints would get him to figure it out by himself? Or he could be able to give you some advice?

“ He’s much older than me.”  
“A sugar daddy?”  
“NO” it came out like a mixture of a squeal and scream.   
“alright, alright” he made a gesture for you to calm down.  
“ That’s the problem, Rufus. I really have feelings for him, but… he’s also married. But I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s the little gestures, you know. Every little thing he does…” you got lost in the sentence thinking about the night you spent with Roger. 

“ohhh I see… someone’s in looooove” he teased.  
“Really? That’s all you have to say?”  
“hey” he put his fork down.   
“ Sometimes you can’t change who you love. Of course, it’s bad that you both are cheating on your partners. You need get that sorted out. And so, does he if you want to continue this. It’s only fair to his wife and Josh. Or you need stop this affair, or whatever game you’re playing.”  
“ not a game! Definitely feelings, at least on my side. Coming clear sounds easier than it is.” You sighed, stirring the food on your plate, when a text made your phone vibrate. 

*From: Rog*  
“I miss you so much my love. Want to see you tonight.” You smiled at your phone. 

“is that him now?” you nodded, typing a quick reply: “miss you too, come over whenever you’re free 😊” 

“ I’ve never been in your shoes before, but you know you can call me any time, right? I’ll try to help you out as much as I can. And I promise I won’t say a thing to Josh”  
“thank you, R- “  
“BUT” he put his fork in the air. “I’m telling you again, you have to get this triangle sorted out. He seems to make you quite happy, huh?” Rufus said, catching you read Roger’s text over again.   
“If you only knew, Ruf” you sighed. 

“Are you done?” the waitress asked, ready to collect the dishes.   
You both nodded. 

The drive home remained silent, except for some humming from Rufus. 

“Thank you, for lunch, you’re the best” you gave him quick hug.   
“No worries” he got into his car again, you watched him as he rolled his window down.   
“Also, thanks for listening and helping out, I really needed that” Rufus put his hand where the window would go up, his head peeked out of the window.  
“ I always try to help where I can” he smirked. “oh and by the way. I kn ow everything and I told my dad the exact same thing” he winked, before leaving you behind in the parking lot. Dumbfounded.


	8. Off to the Races

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always try to make the chapters longer but somehow they always nearly end up short? There won’t be many more parts, so this series will come to an end soon, but I want to continue making one shots on this one. I listened to “Off to the races” by Lana Del Rey while writing. I had in mind, that reader wrote it about experiencing this chapter.   
sorry for mistakes etc. English is not my first language. 
> 
> Warnings: cursing, cheating, smut

The doorbell rang and you knew exactly who was waiting to get in on the other side. So you opened it.   
“I missed you so much, my love” Roger got inside and gave you a long kiss.   
“Hate being away from you” he mumbled against your lips.   
“Why did you tell him?”   
“Did you two meet up?” he loosened the hug he had you in.   
“yeah. Had lunch together.”  
“I’m sorry, darling. But you know he can keep a secret. At least for a while. Raised him right” he gave you a kiss on your forehead and you felt his smirk against you.

“But why did you tell him that we are sort of seeing each other?”  
“Sort of? Really?” He almost sounded disappointed. “I’m planning on getting a divorce for the chance of a sort of relationship?”  
“You what?” you were clearly shocked. Even though you kind of hoped to be with him, you never expected him to take action that fast.   
“Did you think I was joking?” Roger chuckled. “I already told you how I feel about you! I want to be with you, (Y/N)! I’ve made a fool out of myself for holding back my feelings too many times now. I want to get it all right with you.” Roger traced his fingers along your exposed skin on your arm, which your tank top could not cover completely.

“Let’s go on a holiday! Maybe the Maldives, Bali, anywhere you want. I want to spoil the hell out of you! Massages, sunsets with good food and fine wine… Just the two of us”

“I have to go to New York in two days” you interrupted him and he stopped his movements completely.  
“Because of your boyfriend?”   
“yeah”  
“I’ll come with you! Wait! we’ll go right now” he took your hand into his again.   
“Now?” you chuckled, not believing his words. He could not come with you. What about Josh, the press, his wife? Anyone would find out.   
“Yeah.” you shook your head and he continued. “One phone call and the plane’s ready.”

He didn’t lie. It only took one phone call to inform the pilots, a flight attendant and a personal assistant of his. The latter made sure to gather some of his clothes, that he wasn’t able to pick up from home and book a fancy hotel, that met Roger’s requirements. He only texted his wife, saying he wasn’t able to make it home, due to complications with the upcoming tour. A foul excuse, which he used one too many times already. And it made you feel kind of bad.

But the warm leather of the cozy white crème seat on the plane, let you forget about everything that was wrong about this scenario real soon. There where you now. On Queen’s personal private jet. Your first time on one of those planes at all. In total, there were six creme lounge chairs on the plane, two grey couches that could fold out to make a bed, a one-person bathroom with a kind of marble sink, varnished wood paneling and soft highlights to light up the room a bit.   
Once the plane was up in the air, the flight attendant was already there, waiting to fulfill all of your needs. 

Roger was opposite you with a smirk on his face, pouring two glasses of red wine. He looked handsome with a black shirt on, sunglasses tucked to the front of it. Holding the glasses he looked classy, just like a million dollar man. You couldn’t stop admiring him, but the thought of why you had to fly out always crept in he back of your mind. You were on a mission. To leave things in the past and start a new chapter.

Roger handed you the glass and you clinked your glasses together.   
“To us.”   
“To us.”

The flight attended provided you with some hot towels and you kept wondering what she must be thinking, seeing you on Roger going on a trip together. Giving you more privacy, she went to her own cabin in the front, near the cockpit on the jet.

“You look worried. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Roger caught you biting your nails. Of course you were worried, stressed and terrified.   
You shook him off, you needed to finish this on your own, a day left on preparing yourself how to end things with Josh. You knew there was only one way out.   
Once touched down in New York, a driver was already waiting to pick you up. 

Next stop – Four Seasons Hotel – a 4, 300 – square foot penthouse with a 360 – degree view of the city. The view was breathtaking, especially at night the lights made sure to light up every part. Uptown, Downtown, Midtown. It was all there.

As you admired the view, Roger came to hug you from behind, leaving a view kisses on your neck when he finally came to rest his chin on your shoulder.

“Roger… it’s… it’s too much.. so expensive…” finding the right words was hard. Expensive wasn’t even a word to describe the whole atmosphere. It must have cost him a fortune.

“you are going to have to get used this love. This is only the beginning.” He whispered in your ear and took your hand to lead you through the penthouse. The master bedroom and bathroom overlooked the Central Park through oversized windows, that guaranteed the perfect sight. In the bathroom there was a big Chinese onyx-clad infinity soak tub which you soon made good use of.

When the tub was filled up with warm water, Roger additionally turned on the six body jets that were also included, as well as other fibre-optic lighting options. You’d gone for the color red. 

Relaxing in the tub felt perfect after such a long journey, to even top this moment Roger started massaging your shoulders. Two glasses of champagne bubbling on the little table next to the tub. Roger worked your shoulder blades, letting his hands roam further and further down your back. A sigh left your lips when his fingertips made its way up higher again, until he lightly grazed the sides of your breasts. He leaned in closer, so you were able to feel his breath on your neck and he started kissing it. Roger’s hands reached forward to cup your breasts, dragging his thumbs over your hard nipples.

“No marks, Roger” you shakily breathed out, turning your head back to face him. He silenced you by closing the space between the two of you. He moaned into your mouth when your tongues met and with both bodies pressed tight against each other, you were able to feel his hardness. You grabbed his shaft, teasing him with a few pumps, while he slid his hand between your thighs. He started to circle your clit with the pad of his thumb, which earned a moan from you. He grew more confident in his actions and started thrusting his middle finger into your wetness.

Faster and faster, a tingling feeling building in your stomach when you were suddenly shaken from your trance, as Roger picked you up to sit on the edge of the tub. He lowered himself down to your core, until his mouth was pressed against your dripping folds. He groaned dragging his tongue upwards towards to your clit, back down, then up again.

“Roger fuck” you moaned and he hummed at your core, making you feel good from the vibrations. He quickly flicked his tongue over your swollen clit, until you were not able to take it anymore. Not wanting to come yet, you reached down to kiss him on the mouth, tasting yourself in the process.

“My turn” you smiled at him giving him one more peck on the lips.   
“you don’t have to, darling” he tried to avoid the situation again, just like the first time.   
“c’mon Mr. Taylor” you patted for him to sit on the edge, receiving a smirk from him as he shook his head in defeat.

Once he sat, his cock was already hard. You stroked him, staring into his blue eyes. A loud moan left his mouth when you leaned forward to give his tip a kiss. You started dragging your tongue down the underside of his shaft, tasting him, until you took his already throbbing cock into your mouth and sucked lightly. Your hand kept stroking the base of his shaft and you started bobbing harder.

“Fuck , your mouth… it feels so good babyyy” Roger moaned. “St…stop or I’m going to come” you tasted the last drop of salty precum and pulled away, wanting to extend the moment even more.

“I want to be inside you love, please” you both slid back into the water. Roger pulled you closer between his legs and lifted you up, to sit in his lap. His cock brushed against your entrance. The anticipation was killing you, so you started biting your lip. You leaned in to passionately kiss him again, while lowering yourself on his cock. You rubbed his tip against your entrance, earning another groan from him, then in one swift motion you sunk down on him. You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning, feeling him all the way deep inside of you.

“God you’re so fucking tight” Roger moaned “blows my mind every fucking time”   
His words encouraged to rock faster and harder against him. You gasped as Roger wrapped his mouth around one of your nipples, teasing you and dragging his teeth along them. The sensation made you flinch. 

“Aww look at you, being all sensitive” he teased. You clenched down on him, but that only fueled the fire in him, that you were now able to experience for the first time. He turned you around, slamming into you hard. Roger’s hands were cupping your breasts, his teeth bit into your shoulder, fingers pinching your nipples and you were trying to hold a scream back. A scream of pleasure.

“Fuck me Roger, harder” Your hands reached forward to steady yourself on the edge. He snapped his hips into you harder and harder, like never before.

“I’m so close Roger… I’m gonna come” you managed to breath out. He let out a deep growl, pounding into you.

“Cum for me love”

A wave traveled through your body and you came with a scream “Daddy”   
You blushed in embarrassment, not intending to call him that. At least only if he was OK with it.

That was exactly what sent Roger over the edge. You could feel him twitch inside of you and felt his thick stream of warmth fill you up.   
with a growl he pulled out of you and wrapped his arms round you for a hug. You both sighed into the hug, still able to hear the others heart pounding. Once your breathing was back to normal and the water back too cold you decided to take the rest of bottle of champagne to the bedroom. 

“Sorry about the daddy thing. kind of slipped out.” you blushed.  
“It’s ok love” he kissed your cheek. Of course he digged it. 

“Was that true what you said about the divorce earlier? “ you looked up at him, bodies pressed against each other on the cozy king size bed.

“Of course, I already talked to my lawyer I’d never lie to you, my love” he stroked your hair.  
“I’m sorry” you put your head back again to his chest.  
“About what? “ he asked curiously.   
“about everything I’m going to put your through.” You explained. “the divorce, starting everything new. Having to explain everything to your wife, kids, the whole world. I have a bit of a reputation.” You mumbled into his warm skin.

“you’re not putting me through anything. I want this just as much as you do. And no matter how hard things are going to get. With you by my side, I’ll be able to do it all. We will be able to survive together.” He smiled making you look up at him again. It made you weak and nearly crumble, as he took your hand into his, giving your forehead a final kiss, before the two of you dozed off in each other’s arms.

You met Josh at an Italian restaurant near the four seasons hotel. He was already waiting at the table with a bouquet of roses. His serious face broke into a smile and he jumped up as soon as he saw you approaching the table.   
“Hi babe. I missed you so much” He hugged you and gave a peck on the cheek.

You ordered food and drinks and while consuming it all, you noticed that this was going to be the last time you would ever be in each other’s company like that. You were going to break up with him as soon as this was over. Your thoughts were completely consumed by painting all the different scenarios and scenes this night could end in. But what was about come, you never, ever could have guessed.

“(Y/N)” you were pulled back into reality. Josh reached forward to take your hand in his. “We’ve been together for a while now. You know, I’ve never felt like this with someone else before and the scene right here isn’t perfect, but I just can’t wait any longer.”

“Josh… what’s going on? “ you nervously laughed at him.

He got up and down on one knee and pulled out a red velvet box .

“(Y/N) will you marry me? “ you were shocked, dumbfounded, but the moment was soon interrupted by camera flashes.

Both of you had to run, so you didn’t get to answer at the scene. But once back in a cab, Josh demanded an answer.

“So, what do you say, will you make me a happy man and do me the honor of becoming my wife? “ he smiled with the velvet box wide opened and a shiny diamond sparkling into your direction.

“I’m sorry… Josh. I can’t” the smile was wiped off his face and tears started to form. He was embarrassed.   
“it’s because of him, isn’t it? “ you didn’t say anything, you both knew the answer. Without any further discussion,, he demanded the cab to stop, got out and left you alone.

Meanwhile news went through about the newly engaged couple. And by saying they reached everyone, they seriously reached EVERYONE.

That’s what you came to realize when you found yourself alone back in the hotel room, except a note on the kitchen counter that read:

‘Congrats on the engagement – Roger’


	9. I Believe In A Thing Called Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Here it is, the longest chapter of PP yet. I don’t want to give to much away, but there is going to be some relief for exactly two people after this one (yeah I’m talking about you reader and Roger lol). Roger is not making a big apperance, but he’ll always be there after this one! be prepared for a fluffy throwback and some cheesy musical contribution by Reader. I’m sorry, but this Taylor Swift song just fits perfectly and I’m obsessed with the album ‘Lover’. Songs from that album will definitely keep appearing here and there. Anyway.. bare with me, english is not my first language, sorry for mistakes. The song lyrics used in this chapter are from the song “Death By A Thousand Cuts” - Taylor Swift. I recommend you listening to it once it pops up in the story.  
But most of all: THANK YOU FOR READING!!! :)))
> 
> Words: 3.1k
> 
> Warnings: cursing, cheating

Never would you have thought that a penthouse that light and happy, yet domestic could feel as sad and lonely as it did now.   
This trip was supposed to lift all the weight from your shoulders, instead of pushing you down with even more sorrow. 

After a few missed attempts to reach Roger through calling, the chandelier lights in the living room started flickering. Almost like a sign Great. Where the hell was he? You started getting worried. Was he alright or did something happen? Was he on his way back home,or did he stay in a different room in the hotel? The thought that something bad could have happened,basically ate you alive, so you decided to text him. 

To: Roger  
'Where have you gone?‘  
'I need to talk to you‘   
How could he just leave like that? Without hearing you out first.?As the time went by you started making up different scenarios in your head, thinking this all was a all a joke to him, a distraction from his crumbling marriage.  
'I’m worried. Please come back' you texted again. 

The only answer was a money transfer of 10.000£ to your bank account with the remark 'for travels if you decide to come back to London ‘

Seemed like it was goodbye now. But you didn‘t do anything wrong. And instead of spending the whole night thinking about what you could have done wrong  
this time, you did what you could best, at least as it seemed.   
Fuck shit up, so 'Doha Nightclub' on Long Island seemed just like the right place to get rid of the empty feeling deep inside and the especially big and empty penthouse.   
The nightclub seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, but it was certainly easy to get there, given the fact that the penthouse of the Ritz provided you a very own Rolls Royce with a personal driver in tow, who would take you anywhere you wanted. 

As you entered the dark place that lit up with purple strobe lights, the place was already packed. Girls that wore as little as they could, men with buttoned down shirts all over the dancefloor. It felt posh, nearly too posh for your liking. But now you were there. Would be a waste of gas to ask the driver to go to another place. This would do perfectly fine.

Trying not to draw any attention to yourself , you chose a little table to sit at in the back where it was dark, but the seat still visible enough for waitresses to notice once your glass was empty. You were quite amused by the fact that it was a girl’s birthday party. They welcomed her into the club with two signs saying 'Happy Birthday‘. Right next to them was another blonde girl with curves in all the right places holding up a neon yellow sign saying '99% sure that vodka is my soulmate'. It made you chuckle, even with given circumstances.

"What‘s your poison, honey?" A girl about your age asked you, holding a tray of shots in her hand.   
"Anything right now. Any shot would do" you sighed.  
"Wait a minute“ the girl said taking a closer look at you. "Aren‘t you that singer that got engaged?"   
"Do you see a ring on my finger?“ you held out your hands for her to inspect.   
"Ouch“   
"How much for the whole tray?“  
"Girls are free tonight, honey“ she placed the tray on the table and took a seat on the empty chair.  
"I‘m Andrea, by the way“ she shook your hand. 

5 shots in and you started conversing about god knows what.   
"....and then I was too broke to stay in LA.. so, I had to come back. Guess there‘s too many pretty girls out there wanting to become an actress." she nearly cried telling stories about failing auditions trying to make in Los Angeles, how her boyfriend left her a week after she had flown out, trying to achieve a dream of hers. It made your heart sting. The cheating part. You were here trying go sulk like a victim, when you‘d been the one doing wrong all along. You didn‘t drop any names, just the context of the story. And she was understanding, even gave you her number in case you came back there again or just needed a friend to ramble on. She moved on to grab another tray and made her rounds.

The night was restless. Almost like you expected the moments that were about to happen. You could feel it, boiling deep inside.  
It felt like a big bomb, that was about to go off and destroy everything. Everything that already had been in ruins. And as if someone heard your call from far away it reached its last strike. 

A message from Roger. And your heart dropped.   
'I don’t think this is a good idea anymore. I’m sorry.'  
You tried calling him again. This time he picked up.   
"...Rog? Are you there?” you breathed into the phone, unable to make out his voice in the club.. Impossible.so you went outside where it was quiet enough.   
"Where are you? I miss you" you slurred into the phone, the alcohol speaking out of you.   
"(Y/N) are you drunk?” he said and for a moment you thought he might be worried about.   
"Come back to me Roger. Please” you begged him.   
"I.. I can’t I’m sorry.. I don’t think this will work” 

What you didn’t know was, that it took him hours to practice his little speech. To push all the feelings away that had kept building up inside him for over half a year now. First from keeping up with your work, until the last 3 months he actually got to spend with you in person. With his head in his hand, memories kept flashing back in his mind. The movie nights you had, cuddled up on the couch with a fuzzy warm blanket thrown over the two of you. If the movie was too boring, he would just start conversing about how bad it was or keep tickling and cuddling you to distract you from watching it. Or you’d just fall asleep. 3 months felt more like 3 years. And it was everything you ever craved. 

The nights you spent at his house in Surrey kept replaying. When it was a mild night and not too cold, spending nearly all night long looking at the big statue of Freddie, which was in full display because of the big spotlight Roger had installed.   
You’d usually sit on a thick and huge blanket on the grass or on chairs, feeling each other’s warmth, no talking, just being in the moment.   
"Fred would have adored you“ Roger spoke up, which made you look up at him.   
"Not as much as I adore him" you smiled at him, pressing a light kiss to his lips.   
"What would he think about us now?" You asked, putting your head back on his chest and arms tightly around him.   
"He‘d be happy for us” Roger whispered in your hair.  
"Because I‘m happy. You make me happy." He kissed your temple. "Losing my best friend was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with." You squeezed him tighter to comfort him and it really did put him at more ease. His shoulders weren’t as tense when you started drawing patterns on his back.   
"I couldn‘t even imagine how you must have felt. But I think losing you would come pretty close to that" you whispered back at him. 

And now that was just about to happen. Your worst nightmare.   
"I got to go now..." his voice was small and quiet. Almost quiet enough to hear your heart break. "I‘m sorry..."

You felt dizzy, like your feet couldn‘t keep you up anymore. Just then you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist.   
"Hey baby. What are doing out here all alone.“ the stranger pulled you close to him, letting his hands roam all over your body. You felt disgusted.   
"Stop..“ you tried to push him away. "Stop touching me“ you screamed louder. 

"Y/N?“ A familiar voice. Dan.   
"Dan?"   
"Is that your fucking boyfriend baby?“ the disgusting stranger whispered in your ear before Dan pushed him away. Dan, your guitarist was your savior of the hour. You had last seen him storm out of the studio in London.  
You wrapped your arms around him, still trying to process everything that had happened in the last 30 minutes.   
"Oh god, how much did you drink? You smell like a brewery“ he grimaced taking in the unpleasant scent.   
"Hey, Y/N" he shook you lightly trying to get a few words out of you.   
"Where are you staying? I‘ll take you there“   
"The Ritz“   
"Yeah sure“ he laughed. "You and the Ritz." He didn‘t believe you. Because the Ritz wasn‘t exactly what you would go for when touring with your band. Even though you could afford rooms there. Not the penthouse, but smaller ones.   
"I‘m telling the truth Dan“   
"Alright, alright“ he still didn’t quite believe it.  
“I‘ll take you back to mine. You‘ll need loads of water and a hangover therapy tomorrow. This one‘s going to be massive“ You groaned as he picked you up and carried you to the cab. Then from the cab to his apartment. You didn‘t even know where you were, only that Dan was going to take care of you. He was always the dad of the group. Him and Joe, your bass player never stayed out late, never partied that much. Much to your advantage now.

The next morning, you felt surprisingly not that bad. Which was like a miracle. Dan made sure you drank much water before going to sleep and as you got up from his couch to search for the kitchen, the table was already decorated with a large breakfast to help rise your low blood sugar levels.  
"Good morning Miss Vodka“ Dan looked up from his newspaper, a cup of coffee in his hand a grin plastered on his lips. Clearly because of your miserable state.  
"Haha“ trying your best to sound as sarcastic as possible.   
"Good morning and thank you for bringing me here“ sincerely thanking him.   
"Not a problem, you said something about staying at the Ritz" you downed one of the three ginger shots he prepared for you and put the glass down with a grimace. Damn those are disgusting.   
"Yeah because I am“ Dan only looked at you, waiting for you to continue the story.   
"Is Josh there? Oh, fuck right. I didn‘t congratulate you on the engagement. Fuck“ he blushed. You only shook your head lightly for him to stop, he knew you long enough to know you weren‘t mad at him about it. 

"Do you have a pen and paper?" you asked tapping your fingers next the freshly toasted bread in front of you.   
"Ah yeah sure“ he got up to grab it.   
And came back with  
"Post its? Really?“  
"Sorry it‘s the only thing I got. I just moved in here“ he threw his arms up in defeat. 

You started scribbling. It felt like the words made their own way onto the paper.   
"Are you like.. writing a song now?“ Dan looked over your shoulder as you placed yet another post it on top of the other 4 that were already full of ink. You only held a finger up, clearly a sign for him to shut up. A polite sign for him to shut up.   
The lyrics where done in 15 minutes,with you throwing the pen on the table almost like a Mic drop. 

"Done“  
"You‘re crazy“ he stared at you with fascination from across the table.   
"Can I see it?“   
"Only of you agree to make a riff for it“   
"Yeah... sure“ He agreed in a heartbeat.   
And he grabbed the post its, reading out loud: 

'Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts  
Flashbacks waking me up, I get drunk, but it‘s not enough. 'Cause the morning comes and you‘re not my baby.   
I look through the windows of this love  
Even though we boarded them up  
Chandelier still flickering here  
'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not  
It's death by a thousand cuts

I dress to kill my time  
I take the long way home  
I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright  
They say, "I don't know"  
And what once was ours  
Is no one's now  
I see you everywhere, the only thing we share  
Is this small town

You said it was a great love  
One for the ages  
But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

My heart, my hips, my body, my love  
Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch  
Gave up on me like I was a bad drug  
Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club  
Our songs, our films, united, we stand  
Our country, guess it was a lawless land  
Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand  
Paper cut stings from my paper-thin plans  
My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust  
Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up  
Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough  
But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts"

By the time he finished reading it, you were sobbing. Having someone else read your material always made you feel vulnerable. But this time, the circumstances made the intensity almost unbearable. 

"Do you want to talk about? You know we can discuss everything. We always did" he tried to help.  
"I.. I just want you to come back Dan. Please don‘t leave us hanging. I need you. There‘s no one else to talk to. We will talk this out with Sid. Please I want my best friend back.“   
"Ok, let‘s do it“   
While Dan kept fiddling around the guitar with 10 post its spread out in front of him, you decided to make a call, you feared since the minute Josh got down on one knee. Rufus. 

"Yeah?“ A serious tone. No 'hello‘. No 'how are you‘.   
"Hi Rufus“   
"So... guess I’m not going to call you stepmom anytime soon?“ You were speechless.   
"Was that all?“ He sounded rude, but he didn’t know any better in this moment.   
"No“ you found your voice again.   
"He didn‘t let me explain. I never said yes. I‘m not engaged, Rufus!!!!"  
"You‘re not??? He thought... you are and everyone said you... are you really not?"  
"No!! That‘s what I‘ve been trying to tell everybody! I‘m not engaged!!“  
"Oh god. That man... I swear..“ he continued mumbling things that were inaudible  
"What do I do now?“   
"umm he‘ll be at our concert... the day after tomorrow.. shepherd‘s bush..“   
"I‘ll come there“ you enthusiastically announced.   
"Good... maybeeeee you could get your ass up on stage for a special performance?“ he put on a silly voice, he always did this to make you laugh on tour. "Just like old times?" you could almost see the silly pout he would make, trying to give you puppy eyes.   
"Ok, just like old times."

You never doubted the abilities of anyone in your band and the riff that Dan created was proof enough. With the help of synthesizers, a piano part for the middle of the song was created, undoubtedly having a similar sound to the intro of 'Seven Seas of Rhye'. Intentionally of course. Bless technology you were able to send the sound samples to your other band members back in England. By midnight the track was finished. Ready to be released. And you did. At midnight the day you would meet Roger again.

On your way back to England you transferred the 10.000 pounds Roger sent you, right back to him. And the headlines you‘d been avoiding started to make your phone explode. 

The Sun: 'Y/N spotted drunk and alone in NYC after engagement‘  
The Guardian: 'Did she say no to Josh? Here‘s why'   
Daily Mail: 'New Purple Thunder song indicates Y/N had an affair all along‘  
Daily Mirror: 'Y/N leaving Josh for married man?‘

You clicked through all of them. Inspected them. But thankfully no suspicion about who the song could actually be about.

The day approached and it was an hour before showtime for The Darkness, but there was still no sign of Roger. You began imagining things, seeing him in the crowd as you peaked through the side stage curtains. But he wasn‘t there. 

"He‘ll turn up“ Rufus stood behind you, his hand your shoulder. "My dad never lied to me. He sure won‘t start that bullshit now.“ That was Rufus, always trying to make a smile escape your lips.   
The concert was almost over, when you joined them on stage for the last song and their most popular one. 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love‘. You owned the second verse and chorus and the crowd went crazy after recognizing you as special guest. It wasn‘t until Rufus‘ drum solo that you recognized Roger looking at you in awe from the side of the stage. Roger knew the picture in front of him just too well. Freddie always used to hype him up the way you did with Rufus. His heart swelled and he felt,it would jump out right then and there. 

You bounced to the beat, head banging to the beat of the drums just like Rufus did, His messy blond hair sticking to his head. Rufus smiled at your reaction and hit the drums even harder.   
Sadly, the song came to an end, but the adrenaline rush was there. Your heart  
was beating loudly, but seeing Roger smile proudly, clapping his hands... Boy.. you felt like having a heart attack. He looked more handsome than ever. You bowed down with the whole band, but before you could make your way to Roger, Rufus gave you an encouraging pat on your shoulder. And as you got closer to where Roger was standing, his appearance became even more beautiful. His hair was messy, just the way you liked it. A bit ruffled. His black button-down shirt, with the top two buttons opened and blue eyes shining like the eyes of a little boy on Christmas morning. He still somehow had that boyish look and you adored it. 

"Hi Rog-" He embraced you in a tight hug, the one‘d been craving since you returned to the empty penthouse.   
"I‘m sorry. I didn‘t mean to make you feel that way. I should have listened. It‘s all my fault. I‘ve put everything upon you, when I shouldn‘t have. I thought you were playing me. But then again, I should have known that you would never do that. You would never do that...“ he buried his in your neck. "If I fucked it up and you never want to see me again, then I understand. But I wouldn‘t ever forgive myself for that.“ 

"I love you Roger“ he brought his head to your level again and there it was.   
"I love you Y/N“ and your lips met.

"Well that‘s new“ a surprised Justin (singer of The Darkness) caught your eye.   
"Guys I’m happy for you “ he smiled was gone quickly after.

"Let‘s get out of here“ Roger said quietly in a low voice, grabbed your hand and you snuck out through the back door, to his Kensington flat. 

You knew you needed to talk about this whole situation again, but that could wait until tomorrow. Old scene, but a new picture. It was you and him on his massive crème couch, a movie on that was not worth watching. So youdozed off first, feeling Roger‘s arms wrapped around you, inhaling his scent. He kept playing with your hair, until he followed close behind.


	10. Call It What You Want To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: it is here! after almost half a year, the finale of purple thunder is here! If you’re still sticking around, thank you, I love you! I hope this one isn’t too cringey for you all, it sure as hell is for me! I hope it lives up to your expectations (at least a little). As always let me know how you like it, shoot me a dm, ask, anything. I love hearing from you. 
> 
> PS. this contains song lyircs of: The Pretty Reckless - Kill me; Greta van Fleet - Safari Song & Taylor Swift - Call it what you want to. 
> 
> english is not my first language, sorry for mistakes. Also, I didn’t proof read much - bare with me please. 
> 
> Words: 4,3+k
> 
> Warnings: cursing? none else, it’s fluffy and cringey, whatever ;’)

*flashback to two years ago*

“Not very subtle is it?“

"What are you saying?“ you looked up to see Rufus looking over shoulder to read along the scribbled lines written on your notepad.

"drugs, bars, backseats of cars, blowing boys?“ he read chuckling his way to take a seat on the couch beside you.

"It‘s Rock ‘N Roll what do you expect“ you laughed pulling your feet up to rest them on his thighs.

"Now who‘s the child of a fucking rock legend out of the two of us?“

"You know, if I didn‘t know any better, I‘d say it was you“ Rufus pinched your leg before bringing them to the ground.

"Enough talking let‘s get mortal or I‘m going to die“ you jumped up and it wasn‘t two hours later that you were in the bathroom of a club fooling around with a random dude. Living the life of a rockstar to its fullest potential, for once not thinking about what the media would have to say the next morning. You didn‘t give a fuck. With one swift motion you pulled out a little plastic bag of coke and sloppily made a line along the countertop. Hands trembling in anticipation and the guys lips were nibbling on your neck.

"You got any money on you?” he brought his hot wet lips from your neck and handed you a crumbled up 5 pound note that he kept in the front pocket of his jeans. You used the money to press one nostril down and snorted hard.

"Fuck you‘re so hot“ the guy said while having his eyes on you by looking in the mirror.

"want some?“ you offered, but he declined. Another sloppy line and a make out session later, you stumbled out.  
It was a hard life. It sucked. But you would never let anyone know. Chasing a high but falling down even lower and hitting the ground.  
City. Concert. Drinks. Drugs. Sex. Meltdown. Repeat. 

The rare nights you spent alone in your hotel room were the worst. You felt small, like you didn‘t belong, being not able to tell fantasy from reality, seeing how far you could go. Zoning out, even if it was just for half an hour was a relief, not being yourself. Not having to be yourself.

You stomped back into the room. Your drummer, Sid to your left having some blonde chick pressed up to a wall and he fist bumped you. A sort of "congratulating“ each other on the many times you both got lucky.  
Hot bodies all over the place and it felt like if one more person entered the club, it would have exploded. You felt your high slowly fade, trying to match names to the people you encountered all while searching for someone you personally knew.  
Long blond hair at the bar. Rufus.

"Heyyy“ you slurred at him as he turned around. A pint of beer in his hand.

"Y/N! You don‘t look too good honey“

"What a gentleman you are“ your eyes were still blown and glassy. He looked quite concerned.

"I‘ll take you to the hotel love“ he touched your arm in a caring gesture.

"Don‘t take it the wrong way Ruf, like no offence, but I don‘t want to have sex with you“

"Not like that“ he laughed. "You look like you‘ve had enough for tonight. You‘ll thank me tomorrow.“  
You felt stupid. Embarrassed. Being escorted out of the place like a child being dragged out of the candy store.  
Rufus put his arm around you to stabilize you, walking back to the hotel. As you began to sober more up, the embarrassment reached such height that you felt like dying right then and there. No one was supposed to see you like this. See you break, but the steps in the bright lobby of the hotel were the hardest. You could feel the walls you built up around you slowly but surely break. And once those walls are torn down. It‘s all over.

"In you go lovely“ Rufus held the blanket up for you to slide in.  
"Thank you.“  
"You‘re very welcome Ms. L/N“ he smiled.  
Rufus walked over to the little fridge to get a bottle of water. "Here you‘ll thank me tomorrow“ he handed it over to you.  
"Need anything else?“ he asked while tying his hair up.  
"I‘m good, I think“ you weakly smiled.

Rufus startled you by jumping into the bed next to you. "You‘re not alright and being the good friend I am, I‘m here to listen and help.“  
Silence followed and it felt like eternity.

"I‘m fucked up“ your small voice filled the room.  
"You‘re just enjoying yourself“ he assured you.  
"Am I really? Who am I kidding? I made a complete fool out of myself once again.” he could sense that he assumed wrong in the tone of your voice.  
“How do you mean?” he asked getting under the sheets.  
“It‘s all fun and games. Then I‘m alone again and everything gets worse.“  
"And you feel guilty because you‘re cheating on Josh.?“  
"I‘m the worst person, but no. Not entirely.“ Rufus reached out his hand to brush your hair back a bit, signaling that he was listening.  
"It‘s better now that you‘re here, because if you weren‘t, I would not know what to do with myself. Sometimes I can‘t stand myself. Most times, to be precise. I feel like a wreck. And I keep telling myself to not go back into these dark places. But still I keep going back.“ A silent tear made it‘s way down your cheek.  
"From now on and always. No matter when you need me, call me, facetime me, no matter the time. I know better said than done, but you‘re my friend. And friends don‘t give up on each other like that. You don‘t ever have to feel like you‘re alone in this. We‘re family.“ he pulled you closer to him, your head almost resting on his chest. With a steady breathing you slowly drifted off to sleep.

*end of throwback*

Much time had passed. Time in which you felt the way you typically felt. Alone. Having broken up with Josh quite some time ago. Josh immortalizing you in one of his songs, describing how you left him, when he proposed: ” Do you remember what I said, When I got down on my knees, Gotta get your lovin’ baby, Lovin’s all I need, Don’t make me beg now baby, Don’t make me bleed, I gave you all a man could give, And you still walked out on me"

Roger has gone on tour. His wife in tow to your surprise. Every picture posted of them together made you feel smaller, the way he had his arm around her, made you doubt your situation around him. Tired of picking up a fight, sometimes ignoring his secret calls, you isolated yourself. The album, a declaration of love, that was supposed to be released soon, was now on the verge of being filled with songs that would make you feel the hurt and pain as a listener.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and Roger was coming home. The situation was uncertain. How would you deal with it? Did his flame of undying love find its way to burn with even more passion for his wife again? And what light did he see you in now? The 20-year-old something that’s been destroying his happy 10 years of marriage? Deep inside you hoped he wouldn’t, but to be honest, you wouldn’t have been surprised if he stayed with her. Maybe it was all just a rebellious phase. Trying to feel young again. Getting revenge on something stupid SHE did.

The doorbell rang. It could be anyone, you thought to yourself. As you opened, a sheer wave of bliss washed over. His blue eyes shone like never before, you swore you saw stars in them. His hair was ruffled, well who’s wouldn’t be after a 20-hour flight. No exchange of words, just shoulders crushing into one another, fulfilling the tightest hug you’d ever felt. Once again, this is what home felt like and it’s been so long that all the doubts you had about him were crushed in a millisecond.

“I missed you so much” Roger breathed into your neck.  
"I missed you more” you cried, your hand on the back of his head, fumbling with his white locks.  
“I don’t think that’s possible, my love.” he rasped.  
God you missed hearing the roughness of his voice, all close up and personal. When he pulled back, his nose gently brushed yours and he kissed you tenderly.

"How are you feeling” you asked, helping him get his bags in, the majority of them already being shipped to Cornwall, to a house of his you haven’t got to see yet.  
"I’m toast” he huffed, letting himself fall into the comfy black sofa in the living room.  
“Is there maybe something I can help you with? A massage? Something else?” you tried to sound as seductive, slowly but surely getting settled on his lap. If he really didn’t get with his wife on tour he must be exploding by now, set aside all the secret wank sessions.  
As you grinded down on him, there was nothing. No reaction whatsoever. You tried some more until Roger stopped you.

"Sorry love, so sorry.” his fingers glided gently up and down your arm.  
"Has something happened? Have you changed your mind about us?”  
“No no, I’m just really exhausted I can’t quite ….you know.. get it up. I’m sorry, it’s embarrassing”  
"No Rog it’s not, don’t be sorry.” You assured him by kissing both of his cheeks one after the other, making him smile.  
"Anything else I can do for you instead?” you asked, ready to fulfill all his wishes.  
"I just want to be as close to as possible”  
He wanted affection, affection he had to go without for several months, except for the occasional social media schmoozing with his wife. Still sat in his lap, you cuddled tighter into him, cheek on cheek. His breathing was now more steady and peaceful, you could feel him relaxing, his tense muscles from drumming suddenly didn’t feel as tense any more.  
You two stayed like that for half an eternity, well a decent amount of hours, but it felt like minutes and before you knew it, the sun was setting.

"Why don’t you move in with me?” Roger asked out of the blue, with you still on top of him. You looked into his eyes, questioning if it was a good idea.  
"Don’t worry, I already filed for divorce. The paperwork should be through pretty soon.” he assured you. God. That was it, now you knew he was for real. And hell would break loose if the media found out. For the media it already was bad that another woman was the reason for Roger Taylor’s divorce. But an age difference of 49 years would be the last straw - a real scandal.  
"I don’t know Rog. I don’t want to give up this place.” your apartment has been your rock over the years, you inspirational little cave with the perfect view.   
"You don’t have to give this up.” He brought his hand up to your cheek, lifting your head so you were looking into his eyes once more.  
"I just want you with me all the time. I don’t want to go a day without you anymore”  
You melted into his touch. Every move he made, every word he said, every look he gave you, made your heart flutter. You’ve never felt this deep for anyone else before. So you nodded.  
"Is that a yes?” he asked with a dumb smile on his face.  
"Yes”  
His lips were on yours again. They felt like the inside of a rose, passionate, soft, and and a high of pure happiness rushed through both of you

As the night grew cold, the two of you got comfy and especially cuddly. Finally together again. Roger cuddled into your chest. He needed this after months and months of going without it. It was only a matter of minutes, mixed with playing with strands of his hair and kisses to his forehead, that he fell asleep. His soft snoring let you know that he was very well enjoying every little thing.

"The man who used to move under meat?“ you gave Roger a funny look.

"Don‘t look at me like that“ Roger laughed having put on his stupid "joke face” but you loved it. He brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear.  
"t’was a guy at our parties, he would just lay on tables, being naked and covered in food that he was basically invisible. Once someone tried to grab something he wiggled, and they were startled. It was so fun watching“ you laughed at his story and cuddled closer to him. Roger’s Queen partying stories were the best, but thinking of all the girls he must have been with made you feel jealous and for some reason insecur as well.   
"I can imagine. How many girls have you really been with?“ curiosity took over you.  
"Not as many as I‘d would let everyone know“ he chuckled.  
"Yeah yeah… bet it must be thousands“ you tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.  
"Well, then I have to disappoint you, my love“ you felt his hot breath on your cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to it.  
"And it certainly also wouldn’t have nearly been as many if you were there.“  
"Roger we both know that‘s not true.“  
"See, that‘s a lie“ he dipped down to kiss your lips.

"Once we get to Cornwall I have something special to give you“  
"What is it Rog?“ you whined still curled up in the warm bed drinking in the warmth that Roger left behind.  
"You first better get your beautiful bottom out of bed“ he called from the bathroom.

"My bottom is here and ready start the day“ Roger finished shagging his hair out to style the way you liked it the most. Messy. He turned around and grabbed your face gently and closed the space between the two of you.  
"Morning breath“ you mumbled against his lips.  
"I‘ve had worse“ he mumbled back, a hint of mint made itself into your mouth.  
"Why do I believe you?“ you laughed, pulling away and letting your hand glide through his hair.  
"You look so good“ you looked at him in awe.  
"You know just how to flatter an old man“  
"Don‘t. Say. That. Mr.. Taylor.“ you said in between placing kisses all over his face. His eyelashes fluttered while laughing. He was a sight to see.

"You seriously better get ready now“ he gently slapped your bum and left you to yourself to take a shower. You put on some light makeup, comfy clothes and you both were off for a 5 ½ hour drive in Roger’s black Range Rover.  
Thank god for Bluetooth speakers, much to Roger’s annoyance you blasted the Hot Space album, as well as any other Queen song he hated.  
"How do you even know these songs? You know every single word, might have to question your taste in music” Roger laughed.  
When he finally gave up, he joined you in singing along, harmonizing and trying to hit all the high notes just likehe did 40 years ago. To your surprise he still managed most of them. His hand almost never left your thigh, except for when it was time to shift gears. Yours usually rested on top of his. Nothing could ever compare to this. 

When you arrived at his enormous mansion you were once again speechless. He showed you around to get settled once again and it made your mouth run dry, especially seeing all the golden discs and awards he stored all around the house and on the walls. Most of them were settled in the living room.

"Can’t wait for you to contribute to the collection” Roger hugged you from behind while you admired them all.  
"Me?” You laughed.  
"Yeah of course you. I’ve never won a Grammy in my golden years. Only the honorable one 100 years later” his laugh vibrates on your neck.  
"Here” he handed you a black box. “Told you I’ve got something for you, something really special”  
You opened the box and it was one of the cymbal necklaces he was recently selling. Filled with joy, you jumped up on him and he gladly caught you in his arms, giving him a long kiss.   
"Thank you, thank you so much!! I love it Roger”  
"But wait wait, my love” Roger put you down again.  
"This one was made out of the first cymbals I ever played with. And I wanted you to have it and kind of be a part of it,have a part of it, if that makes sense?” You had tears in your eyes, knowing that this part of his drums made such an impact on his life and him now giving it to you, even if was small, owning a piece of his early days. It made you feel special.. On the back, the words "right till the end, Love, Roger” were engraved. It was the best present ever, besides of course, having the love of your life all to yourself.

"I also have something for you” you said, not having this situation exactly planned through, because of your anxiety he wouldn’t like it.  
"I had a lot of time to spend while you were gone“  
"Doing only good stuff I hope“ he chuckled looking at you, his eyes shining from under his long lashes.  
"Come with me“ you took his hand into yours and guided him to the crackling fireplace. Roger sat down in his red leather chair, one that never left its place since moving in in the late 70s. You sat opposite him on the red, equally old fashioned carpet in front of the fire place, clutching your pitch black guitar tightly.  
"It’s not as awesome as your present, but here we go”  
A nervous feeling rushed through your body. Your slightly trembling fingers started picking the first chords. Seeing the way his eyes blinked at you, you knew he was listening closely.  
The song was called 'Call it what you want to’ and every single word was true. Nobody has heard from you for months, nor your fans, nor the media, at least not since the Grammys. And Roger on the other hand, he loved you like you were brand new. He knew about your rocky, hard, and scandalous past, your battles with all things that are toxic and your battles with yourself. Still, he didn’t back down, he stayed by your side, no matter what. He built a fire just to keep you warm while everyone outside was throwing ice at you, trying to get to you. He could be trusted, a feeling not only his embrace let you know, but the way he treated you. His bad jokes always made you laugh, in fact the worse they were, the more you loved him. The “joke face” he gave you, when he expected you to laugh was just adorable and made you fall in love all over again. 

When the song was finished, Roger had tears in his eyes.  
“Wow” he breathed. "I don’t think.. I don’t think anyone’s ever written a song about me, at least not one like this. It’s so beautiful. I couldn’t ask for a better present from the most beautiful girl in the world” your guitar was quickly on its stand again and you in Roger’s lap.  
"Thank you thank you thank you” he breathed kissing you all over.  
"It was a pleasure Mr. Taylor” you smiled.  
The hardest part was get to come.  
Releasing the songs which all evolved around yours and Roger’s relationship. Clearing all the rumors. Revealing your relationship. Meeting his children. But it all would come with time and didn’t matter at the moment.

What he wanted though, was you meeting his children, as fast as possible. He was not one to keep something so special hidden from them, for as he long as he already did. So, one beautiful Saturday evening they all came to visit, you had even cooked a treat they all loved, but it was just how you expected it to be, at least part of it.

Rufus came first, in tow with him Tigerlily and Lola. Roger and you were standing at the door, ready to greet them, but it seemed as if Lola still didn’t warm up to the idea of her dad dating someone so much younger, almost her age. Tigerlily hugged you right away, she was probably the most open minded one of them all.  
“It’s so good to finally meet you, I’m a big fan of yours!” Tigerlily giggled, handing over some wine and flowers as presents.  
“We’re going to kill this one later” she winked, holding up the bottle.  
“For sure” you smiled at her.  
Felix and Rory joined the party a bit later. It was kind of weird that they were a bit older, but you managed and as it seemed as if they didn’t have any problem with it either.

Tigerlily and you kept quoting vines and laughing at memes after dinner, to which Roger only shook his head, all while laughing about how good you were getting along. Your hand was casualy on the table when Roger cupped it with his, finally intertwining your fingers.   
“Really?” Lola said out of nowhere, looking down at your joined hands. She got up and walked out of the room.  
“Lola” Roger called after her. Him, Felix, and Rory went after her. Your worst fear became reality. They didn’t accept you. You couldn’t blame her though, thinking you would react the same way if your dad showed up with someone much younger. 

“Don’t worry” Tigerlily assured you. “It’s just a lot for her to handle right now.” She hugged you tightly, rubbing your back.  
“Yeah , she needs time to warm up. Hasn’t even warmed up to Sarina entirely, it’s going to be alright.” Rufus said, taking a sip from his beer. He was right and you would be willing to give her as much time as she needed.

Nearly half an hour passed when they all came back into the dining room.  
“Y/N?” Lola stood in the door.  
“Can we talk?” she pointed towards the other room. You followed her.

“Look, I’m sorry, that this is might be weird for you. I totally understand, but I really love your dad I-“  
“I know” she interrupted.  
“And he really loves you. It just.. it just freaks me out a bit. And knowing my dad I know no one will ever be good enough for him, he’s the best dad ever” she explained.  
“ I believe you, he speaks highly of you all the time”  
“Well, he also does speak highly of you all the time, maybe I’m just a bit jealous that he won’t spend as much time with us anymore as he’s got you now.” Lola sounded sad and a bit disappointed.  
“ I won’t allow that” you assured her.  
“You know… I’d never keep him from seeing you all. As much as I love him, I want him to be happy and seeing as today went, it was pretty fun and a joy having you all around. Talking, eating, drinking.”  
“You’re right” Lola said. 

“I’m so sorry for making a scene.”  
“Don’t be sorry, it’s alright! But next time something bothers you, let’s just talk it out! I’ll always have an open ear for you!”  
“Awwe lovie, thank you. You know, you’re pretty cool actually. Having a female rockstar in the family makes for a great change” She admitted.  
“ You’re pretty awesome too! Love your photography” you smiled at her.  
“May I give you a hug?” Lola asked you to which you nodded. Right in this moment Roger went to look after the two of you and when he saw you hugging your problems out, his heart swell. He backed away quickly though, just fast enough for none of you to notice he was there.   
“Let’s get back to the others now, or they’ll think we killed each other” you joked and you both went back to join the rest, to enjoy some desert.  
It was 2 am when Roger’s children left after everyone helped cleaning up. They really were all about teamwork and you adored them. 

“I had a great evening” you said to Roger while changing into something more comfortable.  
“I’m glad you had a good time, because I was really enjoying myself.. Except for the little.. Lola thing” he said, giving your shoulder a kiss.  
“oh, that’s alright, we get along now. What did you say to her anyway, when you went after her?” You asked him.  
“Oh just that you really put much work into this get together, you know.. with the cooking and all. And that I love you and you’re very important to me and that this is just how the future is going to be.” his reasonings were making you smile.  
“Your kids are awesome. You did a great job raising them.”  
“I know I did” he chuckled.  
“Can’t wait to meet them again” you said more quietly, brushing your thumb along his cheek.  
“Hold your horses little lady, you’ll see them soon enough. I love having them around y’know? We usually have a family meeting once a week, talking about what everyone is up to”  
“Sounds awesome” you loved the idea of them spending more time with the two of you, dining, drinking, having a laugh, going on family vacations.

Family. The moment Roger saw you interact with his kids, having inside jokes with them, you and Tigerlily even arranging a date to go out shopping, he knew he made the right decision. Giving his whole heart to you and you loving him right back. He knew it already, someday, when the time was right, when the media would quiet down a little more, he’d make you “officially” part of his family. And when that time came, you knew what your answer to his question would be. YES.


End file.
